eat editor's kindly
reply.--_E.C.H_.

MAJORITY

"You don't mean to tell me you ever doubt the wisdom of the majority?"

"Well," responded Senator Sorghum with deliberation, "what is a
majority? In many instances it is only a large number of people who
have got tired out trying to think for themselves and have decided to
accept somebody else's opinion."

MARKSMANSHIP

"Why do you compare my marksmanship with lightning?" asked the
recruit.

"Because," replied the instructor, "it never hits twice in the same
place."

OFFICER (to recruit)--"Goodness gracious, man, where are all your
shots going? Every one has missed the target."

SOLDIER (nervously)--"I don't know, sir. They left here all right."

MARRIAGE

"Hubby, if I were to die would you marry again?"

"That question is hardly fair, my dear."

"Why not?"

"If I were to say yes you wouldn't like it, and to say never again
wouldn't sound nice."

THE PHRENOLOGIST--"Yes, sir, by feeling the bumps on your head I can
tell exactly what sort of man you are."

MR. DOOLAN--"Oi belave it will give ye more ov an oidea wot sort ov a
woman me woife is."--_Jack Canuck_.

Private Nelson got his leave, and made what he conceived to be the
best use of his holiday by getting married.

On the journey back at the station he gave the gateman his marriage
certificate in mistake for his return railway ticket.

The official studied it carefully, and then said:

"Yes, my boy, you've got a ticket for a long journey, but not on this
road."

NORTH--"I see they're reviving the talk about trial marriages. Do you
believe in them?"

WEST--"Well, mine is quite a trial, but I can't say I believe in it
especially."

A young fellow took his elderly father to a football match.

"Father," he said as they took their seats, "you'll see more
excitement for your five dollars than you ever saw before."

"Oh, I don't know," grunted the old man; "five dollars was all I paid
for my marriage license."

George Washington Jones, colored, was trying to enlist in Uncle
Sam's army, and the following conversation ensued with the recruiting
officer:

"Name?"

"George Washington Jones, sah."

"Age?"

"I'se twenty-seven years old, sah."

"Married?"

"No, sah. Dat scar on mah haid is whar a mule done kicked me."

If marriage is a lottery,
As saw smiths often say,
The lucky gambler is, of course,
The one who doesn't play.

--_