Henry," asked the statesman, "why are you eating out here
alone?"

"Well, sir, er--" the man stammered, "the--er--chimney smokes."

"That's too bad," said the statesman, his philanthropic sentiments at
once being aroused. "I'll have it fixed for you. Let's have a look at
it."

And before the cottager could stay him the statesman proceeded to
enter the cottage. As soon as he had opened the door a broomstick fell
upon his shoulders and a woman's voice shrieked:

"Back here again, are you, you old rascal! Clear out with you, or
I'll--"

The statesman retired precipitately. The cottager sat in the road
shaking his head in sorrow and embarrassment. The statesman bent over
him, and laid his hand in kindly fashion on his arm.

"Never mind, Henry," said he, consolingly, "my chimney smokes
sometimes, too."--_Harper's_.

NODD--"Are you sure your wife knows I'm going home to dinner with
you?"

TODD--"Knows! Well, rather! Why, my dear fellow, I argued with her
about it this morning for nearly half an hour."--_Life_.

A recent experience of a Virginia clergyman throws light on the old
English law requiring that marriages should be celebrated before noon.
A colored couple appeared before him, asking to be married, the man in
a considerably muddled state. The minister said to the woman, "I won't
perform this ceremony."

"Why is dat, boss?" she queried. "Ain't de license all right? An' we
is of age."

"Yes, but the man is drunk. Take him away and come back again."
Several days later the couple again presented themselves, the man once
more obviously intoxicated. "See here, I told you I wouldn't marry you
when this man was drunk," the minister said testily. "Don't you come
back here till he's sober."

"Well, you see, suh," the woman replied apologetically, "de trufe is
dat he won't come less'n he's lit up."

"Well," cried Mrs. Henpeck, "our son is engaged to be married. We will
write to the dear lad and congratulate him."

Mr. Henpeck agreed (he dare not do otherwise), and his wife picked up
the pen.

"My darling boy," read the son; "what glorious news! Your father and I
rejoice in your happiness. It has long been our greatest wish that you
should marry some good woman. A good woman is Heaven's most precious
gift to man. She brings out all the best in him and helps him to
suppress all that is evil."

Then there was a postscript in a different handwriting:

"Your mother has gone for a stamp. Keep single, you