in cints, and now I kin save fourteen cints."

An Irishman asked at the railway station for a ticket to Philadelphia.

"Do you want a ticket one way or one that will take you there and
back?"

The Irishman looked at him suspiciously for a moment, then said:
"What the devil do I want a ticket there an' back for when I'm here
already?"

An Irish mother reproving her son exclaimed, "I just wish that your
father was at home some evening to see how you behave yourself when he
is out!"

A tourist reports seeing the following police regulation posted up in
Ireland:

"Until further notice every vehicle must carry a light when darkness
begins. Darkness begins when the lights are lit."

IRISHMEN

"'Tis easy to see," said the tourist to Paddy, who was driving him
around, "that your parents came from Ireland."

"No, sir, they did not," replied Paddy.

"What! Do you mean to say your parents did not come from Ireland?"

"No, sir; you are mistaken," replied Paddy; "they're there yit."--_The
Nation_.

A zealous excise officer was sent to Ireland to try to locate several
"moonshine" stills which were known to exist.

Meeting a native the excise officer approached Pat, saying:

"I'll give you five shillings, Pat, if you can take me to a private
still."

"Troth, an' I will sir," was Pat's reply, as he pocketed the money.
"Come with me."

For many weary miles over mountain, bog, and moor they tramped, until
they came into view of a barracks. Pointing to a soldier seated on a
step inside the square, Pat said:

"There you are, sir, my brother Mike; he's been a soldier for ten
years, an' he's a private still."

An English clergyman turned to a Scotchman and asked him: "What would
you be were you not a Scot?"

The Scotchman said: "Why, an Englishman, of course!"

Then the clergyman turned to a gentleman from Ireland and asked him:
"And what would you be were you not an Irishman?"

The man thought a moment and said: "I'd be ashamed of meself!"

Two sailors, an Irishman and a Scotchman, could never agree, and the
rest of the crew had become adepts in starting them on an argument.
One day "patron saints" was the subject, of which the Scotchman knew
nothing and the Irishman just a little.

"Who was the patron saint of Ireland?" said Jock.

"Do you mean to say you don't know?" said Pat. "Why, the holy St.
Patrick."

"Well," said Jock in deliberate tones, "hang your St. Patrick."

In a towering