ne smile. "No need of them. If I
have any lingering vices I feel that I need only wait for somebody to
introduce legislation that will make them impossible."

LEGISLATORS

"Do you think we are happier for the conveniences of telegraph and
telephone?"

"Not always," replied Senator Sorghum. "It would be a great comfort
to be able to make a speech that exactly agrees with your audience
without its being placed immediately before people all over the
country who may not feel the same way about it."

"Senator, you promised me a job."

"But there are no jobs."

"I need a job, Senator."

"Well, I'll ask for a commission to investigate as to why there are no
jobs and you can get a job on that."

LEISURE

THE CHILD--"Mother, what is 'leisure'?"

THE MOTHER--"It's the spare time a woman has in which she can do some
other kind of work, dearie."

LIARS

The teacher was telling her class a long, highly embellished story
of Santa Claus, and the mirth of Willie Jones eventually got entirely
beyond his control.

"Willie," said the teacher sternly, "what did I whip you for
yesterday?"

"Fer lyin'," promptly answered Willie; "an' I was jest wonderin' who
was goin' to whip you."

He who tells a lie is not sensible how great a task he undertakes, for
he must be forced to invent twenty more to maintain one.--_Pope_.

A Boston minister once noticed a crowd of urchins clustered around a
dog of doubtful pedigree.

"What are you doing, my little men?" he asked, with fatherly interest.

"Swappin' lies," volunteered one of the boys. "The feller that tells
the biggest one gets the purp."

"Shocking!" exclaimed the minister. "Why, when I was your age I never
thought of telling an untruth."

"Youse win," chorused the urchins. "The dog's yours, mister."

A man may tell the same lie about the same thing to the same man seven
times seven, and be accounted truthful. Let him vary in but the merest
detail and he is a liar. Such is the patent gullibility of a too
conscientious world.

An evangelist who was conducting services announced that on the
following evening he would speak on the subject of "Liars." He advised
his hearers to read in advance the seventeenth chapter of Mark.

The next night he arose and said: "I am going to preach on 'Liars'
tonight and I would like to know how many read the chapter I
suggested." A hundred hands were upraised.

"Now," he said, "you are the very person