s I want to talk to--there
isn't any seventeenth chapter of Mark."

A Sunday school teacher asked a small girl the other day why Ananias
was so severely punished. The little one thought a minute, then
answered: "Please, teacher, they weren't so used to lying in those
days."

"Does your husband ever lie to you?"

"Never."

"How do you know?"

"He tells me that I do not look a day older than I did when he married
me, and if he doesn't lie about that, I don't think he would about
less important matters."

"Do you really mean to call me a liar?" asked one rival railroad man
of another railroad man, during a dispute on business they had on
Austin Avenue yesterday.

"No, Colonel, I don't mean to call you a liar. On the contrary, I say
you are the only man in town who tells the truth all the time, but I'm
offering a reward of $25 and a chromo to any other man who will say he
believes me when I say you never lie," was the response.

"Well, I'm glad you took it back," replied the other party, as they
shook.--_A. E. Sweet_.

_See also_ Husband; Real estate agents; Regrets.

LIBERTY BONDS

"We accept Liberty Bonds at their full value for all goods."

Thus reads a placard in the window of a wholesale liquor house. We
have often wondered what the height of damphoolishness might be,
having tried various things, but there it is: Exchanging a Liberty
Bond for booze.

LIBRARIANS

_The Reference Librarian_

At times behind a desk he sits,
At times about the room he flits--
Folks interrupt his perfect ease
By asking questions such as these:
"How tall was prehistoric man?"
"How old, I pray, was Sister Ann?"

"Perhaps," commented her husband's bookish friend, "you should be
thankful you did not find him with his nose in 'The Inside of the
Cup!'"

"What should one do if cats have fits?"
"What woman first invented mitts?"
"Who said 'To labor is to pray?'"
"How much did Daniel Lambert weigh?"
"Don't you admire E. P. Roe?"
"What is the fare to Kokomo?"
"Have you a life of Sairy Gamp?"
"Can you lend me a postage-stamp?"
"Have you the rimes of Edward Lear?"
"What wages do they give you here?"
"What dictionary is the best?"
"Did Brummell wear a satin vest?"
"How do you spell 'anemic,' please?"
"What is a Gorgonzola cheese?"
"Who ferried souls across the Styx?"
"What is the square of 96?"
"Are oysters good to eat in March?"
"