rage the Irishman hesitated a second while he thought of
something equally offensive, and then burst out with, "And hang your
Harry Lauder!"

PAT--"Yis, sorr, wur-rk is scarce, but Oi got a job last Sunday that
brought me foive dollars."

MR. GOODMAN--"What! you broke the Sabbath?"

PAT (apologetically)--"Well, sorr, 'twas wan av us had t' be broke."

An Irishman employed in a large factory had taken a day off without
permission and seemed likely to lose his job in consequence. When
asked by his foreman the next day why he had not turned up the day
before, he replied:

"I was so ill, sir, that I could not come to work to save me life."

"How was it, then, Pat, that I saw you pass the factory on your
bicycle during the morning?" asked the foreman.

Pat was slightly taken aback, then regaining his presence of mind, he
replied:

"Sure, sir, that must have been when I was going for the doctor."

A college graduate was walking down the street one evening with a
friend of Irish descent, and, pausing to look up at the starry sky,
remarked with enthusiasm:

"How bright Orion is tonight!"

"So that is O'Ryan, is it?" replied Pat. "Well, thank the Lord,
there's one Irishman in heaven, anyhow!"

After Patsy Hogan had left Dublin for the country, and rented a
cottage with a small backyard, he returned to town and purchased a
monkey. Not a word of his scheme would he disclose to his old cronies.

But afterwards he explained. "'Twas like this: I chained the monkey to
a stick in me yard, and the coal thrains were passin' all day, and on
iv'ry thrain there was a stoker. In one week I had two tons of coal in
me cellar, and the monkey was never wanst hit!"

_See also_ Irish bulls.

JEWS

Pat, answering questions in applying for a job as keeper of the pound,
came to the query, "What are rabies and what would you do for them?"

He replied, "Rabies is Jew priests and I wouldn't do a damn thing for
them."

Israel Paletzky sold and delivered fresh eggs to a near-by soda
dispenser. One day he brought in two dozen eggs in response to
an order. Upon counting them, the proprietor of the soda fountain
discovered there was an extra egg and offered it back to the aged Jew.

"Oh, dot's all right!" said old Israel. "Neffer mind for chust von
egg."

"Well, Izzy, have a drink then."

"All right. I take it a malted milk mit egg."

To the great God Buddha came the representatives of the Catholic,
Protes