fifteen
minutes each to argue the case. The attorney for the defense had
commenced his argument with an allusion to the old swimming-hole of
his boyhood days. He told in flowery oratory of the balmy air, the
singing birds, the joy of youth, the delights of the cool water--

And in the midst of it he was interrupted by the drawling voice of the
judge:

"Come out, Chauncey," he said, "and put on your clothes. Your fifteen
minutes are up."

It is related that when Judge Benjamin Toppan of Ohio, who died in
the early '70s, applied for admission to the bar of that state he was
asked just two questions. "Mr. Toppan, what is law?" was the first of
these.

"An unjust distribution of justice," replied the applicant.

"What is equity?" was the second.

"A damned imposition upon common sense!"

He was received into the brotherhood with open arms.

MAGNATE--"I give that lawyer ten thousand dollars a year to keep me
out of jail."

"Oh, John! Please stop spending your money so foolishly."--_Life_.

When General Beck was a young lawyer a man was arraigned for murder
and had no counsel.

"Mr. Beck," said the presiding judge, "take the prisoner into that
room at the rear of the court, hear his story, and give him the best
advice you can."

Accordingly Beck disappeared with the prisoner, and in half an hour's
time returned into court--alone.

"Where is the prisoner?" asked the judge.

"Well," replied Beck, slowly, "I heard his story, and then I gave him
the best advice I could. I said: 'Prisoner, if I were you I'd get out
of that window and make tracks.' He slid down the water-pipe, and the
last I saw of him he was getting over a stone wall half a mile away."

"Smith certainly is a foxy fellow. He's drawn up his will in such a
way that the lawyers can't get more out of it than his own heirs."

"How's that?"

"Why, he left half his fortune to one of the best lawyers in the
country, provided he saw to it that the other half went to Smith's
children intact."

"I couldn't serve as a juror, judge. One look at that fellow convinces
me he's guilty."

"Sh-h! That's the district attorney."

LITTLE WILLIE--"What is a lawyer, pa?"

PA--"A lawyer, my son, is a man who induces two other men to strip for
a fight, and then runs off with their clothes."

The following is told of a late railway magnate and a prominent
Philadelphia lawyer.

Said the magnate to the lawyer--"I want you to show that this law is