meeting one night, a college
professor, who was noted for his concentration of thought, was still
pondering deeply on the subject that had been under discussion. Upon
entering his room he heard a noise that appeared to come from under
the bed.

"Is there any one there?" he asked, absently.

"No, professor," answered the intruder, knowing his peculiarities.

"That's strange," murmured the professor. "I was almost sure I heard
some one under the bed."

IMITATION

Imitation is a confession of limitation.

Imitation is the sincerest of flattery.--_Colton_.

IMMIGRANTS

_See_ Board of health.

IMPUDENCE

_Put in the Bill_

When in Canada last, Mr. Kipling was so dissatisfied with the hotel
accommodations that he gave the landlord a severe call-down. Said he:
"Of all the hotels under the shining sun, I have never been in one
that for unmitigated, all-round, unendurable discomfort could equal
yours."

After the landlord had withdrawn in great indignation, Kipling
asked for his bill, and he discovered that the last item was, "To
impudence--three dollars."

He that has but impudence,
To all things has a fair pretence;
And puts among his wants but shame,
To all the world may lay his claim.

--_Butler_.

There is no better provision for life than impudence and a brazen
face.--_Menander_.

INCOME TAX

We saw Diogenes the other day with his lantern.

"Still looking for an honest man?" we asked.

He shook his head mournfully.

"No. I gave that up long ago. I wish I'd stuck to it. It wasn't half
so hopeless as what I'm doing now."

He certainly did look despondent, and our hearts went out to him.

"What are you looking for now, then?" we asked.

He sighed. "I'm looking for a congressman who made out his income tax
without anybody's help."

We don't know who it was who wrote the income-tax blank, but we are
certain that he stole his style either from Robert Browning or Henry
James.

_Income Tax Tips_

(_All replies to questions in this column given free of tax._)

PUZZLED--Don't be bluffed. Simply put all extra leaves in dining-room
table, grasp tax return firmly with both hands, and throw it flat on
its back. When you have it down brand it on first page with hot ink.

C.H.--Yes, algebra may be used in figuring your return. Personally
we employ trigonometry, altho many prefer calculus and a couple of
lawyers.

TAXPAYER--Your problem is as c