When your friends tell you jokes about your car they
don't expect you to ask them to ride in it."

_If--With Apologies to Kipling_

If you can keep your Ford when those about you are selling theirs
and buying Cadillacs; if you can just be tickled all to pieces when
notified to pay your license-tax; if you can feel a quiet sense of
pleasure when driving on a rough and hilly road, and never move a
muscle of your visage when underneath you hear a tire explode; if you
can plan a pleasant week-end journey and tinker at your car a day or
so, then thrill with joy on that eventful morning to find no skill of
yours can make it go; if you can gather up your wife and children, put
on your glad rags, and start off for church, then have to wade around
in greasy gearings and spoil the best of all your stock of shirts,
yet through it all maintain that sweet composure, that gentle calm
befitting such events; if you can sound a bugle-note of triumph when
steering straight against a picket-fence; if you can keep your temper,
tongue, and balance when on your back beneath your car you pose, and,
struggling there to fix a balky cog-wheel, you drop a monkey-wrench
across your nose; if you can smile as gasoline goes higher, and sing
a song because your motor faints--your place is not with common erring
mortals; your home is over there among the saints!--_J. Edward Tufft_.

It is admittedly difficult to recover a lost flivver. But the best
suggestion comes from our own Mrs. Eckstrom, who advises an ad.:
"Lizzie, come home; all is forgiven."

"Why are school-teachers like Ford cars?"

"Because they give the most service for the least money."--_Life_.

"Yes, indeed," argues the Ford salesman, "this little car is a great
investment. You put a few dollars into a Ford and right away it runs
into thousands."

A flivver in Newton, Kan., broke the arms of four persons who
attempted to crank it in less than a week. That's what comes of
crossing a bicycle with a mule.

Lew McCall says that motorists who come through Columbus en route for
Kansas City have about the following conversations when they stop at
the filling station here:

If it's a Cadillac, the driver says: "How far is it to Kansas City?"
"One hundred forty miles," is the reply. "Gimme twenty gallons of
gas and a gallon of oil," says the driver. Then comes a Buick and the
chauffeur says: "How far is it to Kansas City?" "One hundred forty
miles." "Gimme ten gallons of ga