asked the solemn man at the end of the table,
"between a turkey dinner and a mess of stewed prunes?"

"I don't know," he answered, suspicious of some entangling conundrum.

"Does nobody know?" she asked, looking round the table.

They all professed ignorance. "In that case," she said, "I may as well
serve prunes at Christmas and save money."

FOOLS

"Did you really call this gentleman an old fool last night?" asked the
judge.

The prisoner tried hard to collect his thoughts.

"Well, the more I look at him, the more likely it seems that I did,"
he replied.

A fool must now and then be right by chance.--_Cowper_.

Fools, to talking ever prone,
Are sure to make their follies known.

--_Gay_.

He explained it clearly to her: "Wise men hesitate, you see. None but
fools will say they're certain."

"Are you sure of that?" said she.

"Yes," he answered, "I am certain--certain as can be of that"

Then he wondered just what she was laughing at.

Two Hebrews went in business together in a small town, and one went
to New York to buy the goods, while the other stayed at home. The one
that stayed at home got the bills a few days after his partner was
in New York. The bills came as follows: "24 doz. neckwear and 8 doz.
ditto; 24 suits and 4 ditto; 18 pants and 12 ditto." This ditto part
bothered the one at home and he telegraphed his brother to come home.
When his brother arrived he showed him the bills and said:

"Vat do it mean you shall buy ditto for a closing (clothing)
business?"

His brother said: "I buy ditto?"

"Yes, here's de bills."

"Vell, dey stuck me in New York."

So he returned to New York and found that ditto meant the same. He
came back home, and his brother meeting him at the depot said:

"Vell, Abie, did you find out vat ditto is?"

And Abie said: "Yes, I find out vat a ditto is--I'm a d--m fool and
you're a ditto."

RAYMOND--"What the deuce do you mean by telling Joan that I am a
fool?"

GEORGE--"Heavens! I'm sorry--was it a secret?"

Fools never understand people of wit.--_Vauvenargues_.

LEA--"I wonder if Professor Kidder meant anything by it?"

PERKINS--"By what?"

LEA--"He advertised a lecture on 'Fools,' and when I bought a ticket
it was marked 'Admit one.'"

FORDS

"So you bought one of those automobiles they tell so many funny
stories about?"

"Yes," replied Mr. Chuggins. "And it is saving me a lot of trouble and
wear and tear.