s and a half-gallon of oil." and he
drives on. Along comes a flivver and the driver uncranks himself,
gets out and stretches, and asks: "How far is it to Kansas City?"
"Oh, about one hundred forty miles." "Is that all? Gimme two quarts of
water and a bottle of 3 in 1, and hold this son-of-a-gun until I get
in."

Possibly the apex of sarcasm or something was reached the other day
when Jones took his flivver to a repair shop and asked the man there
what was the best thing to do with it.

The repair-man looked the car over in silence for several minutes,
after which he grasped the horn and tooted it. "You've a good horn
there," he remarked, quietly. "Suppose you jack it up and run a new
car under it?"

A Gentleman who was visiting his lawyer for the purpose of making his
will, insisted that a final request be attached to the document. The
request was, that his Ford car be buried with him after he died. His
lawyer tried to make him see how absurd this was, but failed, so he
asked the gentleman's wife to use her influence with him. She did the
best she could, but she also failed.

"Well, John," she said finally, "tell me _why_ you want your Ford car
buried with you?"

"Because I have never gotten into a hole yet but what my Ford could
pull me out," was the reply.

Young lady on a country road in a Ford car which has bucked and
refuses to move, asks a farmer who is plowing in an adjoining
field--"Do you know anything about a Ford?"

"Nope--nuthin' except a lot of stories, ma'am--giddap."

FOREIGNERS

TEACHER--"Who was the first man?"

HEAD SCHOLAR--"Washington; he was first in war, first in--"

TEACHER--"No, no; Adam was the first man."

HEAD SCHOLAR-"Oh! if you're talking of foreigners, I s'pose he was."

FORESIGHT

"Are you going to pay any attention to these epithets that are being
hurled at you?"

"Yes, indeed," answered Senator Sorghum. "I'm having them all
carefully copied and filed away. I may need them when it comes my turn
to call names."

"Now, then, my hearties," said the gallant captain, "you have a tough
battle before you. Fight like heroes till your powder is gone; then
run. I'm a little lame, and I'll start now."

FORGETFULNESS

_See_ Memory.

FORTUNE HUNTERS

"This bill was innocent on its face, but beneath there lurked a most
sinister significance."

The speaker, Senator Clarke, was discussing in Little Rock a measure
of which he disapprov