olume. It
will save you fully 50 per cent of your time, and so--"

BUSINESS MAN (interrupting irritably)--"I already have a system by
which I can save 100 per cent of my time and yours. I'll demonstrate
it now--Good-day!"

The hours I spend at work, dear heart
Are as arithmetic to me;
I count my motions every one apart--
Efficiency.

Each hour a task, each task a test,
Until my heart with doubt is wrung;
I conservate my darndest, but at best
The boss is stung.

O theories that twist and turn!
O frantic gain and laggard loss!
I'll standardize and stint at last to learn

To please the boss
By gum!
To please the boss.

"But," he adds, "as in everything else, there are exceptions. There
was Boggins, for instance. Boggins was a great efficiency man in the
office, but even more so at home. Why, every time Boggins Junior was
naughty his father laid him on the floor and spread a rug over him,
so that the beating would kill two birds with one stone, as you might
say."

A worm won't turn if you step on it right.

Efficiency is an admirable quality, but it can be overdone, according
to Representative M. Clyde Kelly, of Pennsylvania.

"Last election day," Mr. Kelly explains, "the city editor of my
newspaper in Braddock sent his best reporter out to learn if the
saloons were open in defiance of the law. Four days later he returned
and reported, 'They were.'"

"Sambo, I don't understand how you can do all your work so quickly,
and so well."

"I'll tell yuh how 'tis, boss. I sticks de match ob enthusiasm to de
fuse ob yenergy--and jes natchurally explodes, I does."

"Don't be so long-winded in your reports as you have been in the
past," said the manager of the "Wild West" railway to his overseer.
"Just report the condition of the track as ye find it, and don't put
in a lot of needless words that ain't to the point. Write a business
letter, not a love-letter."

A few days later the railway line was badly flooded, and the overseer
wrote his report to the manager in one line: "Sir--Where the railway
was the river is.--Yours faithfully,----."

In Montana a railway-bridge had been destroyed by fire, and it was
necessary to replace it. The bridge-engineer and his staff were
ordered in haste to the place. Two days later came the superintendent
of the division. Alighting from his private car, he encountered the
old master b