tairs?" queried the magistrate. "Did
you imagine that was within the right of a tenant?"

"I'll bring my lease in and show it to you," said the little man,
growing redder, "and I'll wager you'll agree with me that anything
they've forgotten to prohibit in that lease I had a right to do the
very first chance I got."

"As a matter of fact," said the lawyer for the defendant, trying to be
sarcastic, "you were scared half to death, and don't know whether it
was a motor-car or something resembling a motor-car that hit you."

"It resembled one all right," the plaintiff made answer. "I was
forcibly struck by the resemblance."

A religious worker was visiting a Southern penitentiary, when one
prisoner in some way took his fancy. This prisoner was a negro,
who evinced a religious fervour as deep as it was gratifying to the
caller.

"Of what were you accused?" the prisoner was asked.

"Dey says I took a watch," answered the negro. "I made a good fight. I
had a dandy lawyer, an' he done prove an alibi wif ten witnesses. Den
my lawyer he shore made a strong speech to de jury. But it wa'n't no
use, sah; I gets ten years."

"I don't see why you were not acquitted," said the religious worker.

"Well, sah," explained the prisoner, "dere was shore one weak spot
'bout my defence--dey found de watch in my pocket."

Some time ago an elderly gentleman walking along the street saw a
little girl crying bitterly. Instantly his heart softened and he
stopped to soothe her.

"What is the matter, little girl," he kindly asked; "are you hurt?"

"No, sir," responded the child as her sobbing increased in volume, "I
lost my nickel!"

"There! There!" gently returned the kind-hearted citizen, digging into
his pocket. "Don't cry any more. Here is your nickel."

"Why, you wicked man!" exclaimed the little girl, seizing the coin and
glaring at the donor with flashing eyes. "You had it all the time!"

GRAMERCY--"Why don't you have your old car repainted?"

PARK--"Wouldn't think of such a thing. It's been stolen a dozen times
and has the finest collection of fingerprints you ever saw."

A witness in a railroad case at Fort Worth, asked to tell in his own
way how the accident happened, said:

"Well, Ole and I was walking down the track, and I heard a whistle,
and I got off the track, and the train went by, and I got back on the
track, and I didn't see Ole; but I walked along, and pretty soon I
seen Ole's hat, and I walked on, an