"I," a lot like "Me."

--_Eliot Harlow Robinson_.

Many a man thinks he is anxious to please others, when the truth is
that he is only anxious that others be pleased with what he does.

_I And Me_

I wonder just what kind of guy
Am I?
I guess it's time I took
A look inside of me
To see--
But, gee,
I cuss
I'm envious of what the other fellow's got,
I loaf a lot,
And foolish pleasures often buy--
That is the kind of sham
I am.
When things go wrong
I growl along
And take it out
On some good scout
Who's not to blame,
Whatever came--
In fact
The luck I lacked
(Or luck I had,
If mine was bad)
Was mostly my
Own fault. Why.
I
Am not a very pleasant guy,
The poorest on the human shelf--
And, now that I
Size up myself,
Whatever other folks may see,
I do not make a hit with Me.

--_Douglas Malloch_.

EINSTEIN

"Max has sent me an interesting book, 'Relativity,' by Einstein. Have
you read it?"

"No. I am waiting for it to be filmed."

EMBARRASSING SITUATIONS

The wife of a Dorchester man who had the traditional failing--he
forgot to mail letters--has cured him. The mail is delivered at their
home before the breakfast hour--which is comparatively late. One
morning she said to her husband:

"Did you have any mail this morning, dear?"

"Only a circular," he answered as he bit into a fine brown slice of
toast.

"Huh," said the wife. "By the way, did you mail the letters I gave you
yesterday?"

"Sure I did," was the righteously indignant reply.

"Well," answered wifie, with an eloquent smile, "it's funny, then, you
had no letters this morning, because one of those I gave you to mail
was addressed to you--just as a sort of key."

Callers were at the door and Bobbie was told to show them into the
parlor. He did so, and while his mother was fixing herself up, he
sat there rather embarrassed. Presently, seeing the visitors glancing
around the room, he said:

"Well, what do you think of our stuff, anyway?"

KIND FRIEND (to composer who has just played his newly written _revue_
masterpiece)--"Yes, I've always liked that little thing. Now play one
of your own, won't you?"

Evelyn is very cowardly, and her father decided to have a serious talk
with his little daughter.

"Father," she said at the close of his lecture, "when you see a cow,
ain't you 'fraid?"

"No, certainly not, Evelyn."

"