POKUS--"Great. You know, he used to work in the repair department of
an umbrella factory."

"What has that got to do with being a detective?"

"Why, that fellow can recover an umbrella that has never been stolen."

DETERMINATION

"Thirty years ago," said the man who had traveled to the end of
the earth and most of the way back, "I started out, alone, unaided,
without friends to help me along, with the intention of making the
world pay me the living that it owes me. My only allies were a dollar
bill and a determination to make a million more. Today (and he threw
out his chest proudly) I still have the determination and fifty cents
in change."

When hope seems dim
And the worst's in sight,
When you've lost your vim,
Just hang on tight;
Give blow for a blow,
And don't give in,
Till you've let 'em all know
That you tried to win.

DIAGNOSIS

FRIEND--"What is the first thing you do when a man presents himself to
you for consultation?"

DOCTOR--"I ask him if he has a car."

FRIEND--"What do you learn from that?"

DOCTOR--"If he has one, I know he is wealthy--and if he hasn't, I know
he is healthy."

Starting with a wonderful burst of oratory, the great evangelist had,
after two hours' steady preaching, become rather hoarse.

A little boy's mother in the congregation whispered to her son, "Isn't
it wonderful? What do you think of him?"

"He needs a new needle," returned the boy sleepily.

The telephone rang and the bookkeeper answered it.

"Yes, madam, this is Wilkins's market."

"This is Mrs. Blank. I want you to know that the liver you sent me is
most unsatisfactory. It is not calf's liver at all; calf's liver is
tender and----"

"Just a moment, madam, and I'll call the proprietor."

"What is it?" Wilkins asked.

The bookkeeper surrendered the phone.

"Mrs. Blank," he said. "Liver Complaint."

Axel, a Swede in an outfit at Fort Jay, woke up one morning with a
desire to loaf. He got put on sick-call, thinking it was worth trying,
anyway. At the dispensary the "doc." looked him over, felt his pulse,
and took his temperature. Then he said:

"I can't find anything wrong with you."

No answer.

"See here, what's wrong with you anyway?"

"Doc," replied Axel. "That bane your yob."

"Some un sick at yo' house, Mis' Carter?" inquired Lila. "Ah seed de
doctah's kyar eroun 'dar yestiddy."

"It was for my brother, Lila."

"Sho! What's he done got