ere was an appreciative and envious silence, and then a voice from
the back of the theater, slightly thickened, spoke:

"Doc," it asked, "how much do you charge a fellow for passing you on
the street?"

An insurance agent was filling out an application blank.

"Have you ever had appendicitis?" he asked.

"Well," answered the applicant, "I was operated on but I have
never felt quite sure whether it was appendicitis or professional
curiosity."

"Oh, doctor, I have sent for you, certainly; still, I must confess
that I have not the slightest faith in modern medical science."

"Well," said the doctor, "that doesn't matter in the least. You see, a
mule has no faith in the veterinary surgeon, and yet he cures him all
the same."

_A Great Difference_

A noted physician, particularly expeditious in examining and
prescribing for his patients, was sought out by an army man whom
he "polished off" in almost less than no time. As the patient was
leaving, he shook hands heartily with the doctor and said:

"I am especially glad to have met you, as I have often heard my
father, Colonel Blank, speak of you."

"What!" exclaimed the physician, "are you old Tom's son?"

"Certainly."

"My dear fellow," cried the doctor, "fling that infernal prescription
in the fire and sit down and tell me what is the matter with you."

"Father, what is a convalescent?"

"A patient who is still alive, son."

Young M.D.--"Well, Dad, I'm hanging out my shingle; can't you give me
some rules for success?"

"Always write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills very
plainly."

MOTHER (after visitor had gone)--"Bobby, what on earth made you stick
out your tongue at our pastor? Oh, dear!..."

BOBBY--"Why, muvver, I just showed it to him. He said, 'Littul man,
how do you feel?'--and I thort he was a doctor!"

An Irishman coming out of ether in the ward after an operation,
exclaimed audibly: "Thank God! That's over!" "Don't be too sure," said
the man in the next bed, "they left a sponge in me and had to cut me
open again." And the patient on the other side said, "Why they had to
open me, too, to find one of their instruments." Just then the surgeon
who had operated on the Irishman, stuck his head in the door and
yelled, "Has anybody seen my hat!" Pat fainted.

Dr. A., physician at Newcastle, being summoned to a vestry, in order
to reprimand the sexton for drunkenness, dwelt so long on the sexton's
misconduct as to draw fr