DOCTOR--"I'm afraid I'm not a good guesser."

"You're too modest. Aren't you at the top of your
profession?"--_Life_.

DOCTOR--"My dear sir, it's a good thing you came to me when you did."

"Why, Doc? Are you broke?"--_Life_.

"It's a little hard for young doctors to get a start."

"I know. I'm raising whiskers."

"They will help. And I'll loan you some of my magazines for 1876 to
put in your anteroom."

PATIENT--"I want to see doctor. Be this the place?"

DOCTOR--"This is where I practice."

PATIENT--"Don't want no person for to practice on me; I want a doctor
for to cure me."

FRIEND--"To what do you attribute your rapid rise in your profession?"

SURGEON--"It has been my rule all along never to perform an operation
unless I was sure it would be a success either way."

A doctor who had a custom of cultivating the lawn and walk in front of
his home every spring engaged O'Brien to do the job. He went away for
three days and when he returned found O'Brien waiting for his money.
The doctor was not satisfied with his work and said: "O'Brien, the
walk is covered with gravel and dirt, and in my estimation it's a bad
job."

O'Brien looked at him in surprise for a moment and replied: "Shure,
Doc, there's many a bad job of yours covered with gravel and dirt."

"You say this doctor has a large practice?"

"It's so large that when a patient has nothing the matter with him he
tells him so."

_Why She Objected_

An old woman's son was seriously ill and the attending surgeon advised
an operation. But the mother bitterly objected.

"I don't believe in operations!" she exclaimed. "Even the Scriptures
is agin it. Don't the Bible say plain and flat: 'What God hath j'ined
togither, let not man put asunder'?"

REDD--"The doctor said he'd have me on my feet in a fortnight."

GREENE--"And did he?"

"Sure. I've had to sell my automobile."

SPECIALIST--"You are suffering from nerve exhaustion. I can cure you
for the small sum of $2,000."

PATIENT--"And will my nerve be as good as yours then?"

In a confidential little talk to a group of medical students an
eminent physician took up the extremely important matter of correct
diagnosis of the maximum fee.

"The best rewards," he said, "come, of course, to the established
specialist. For instance, I charge twenty-five dollars a call at the
residence, ten dollars for an office consultation, and five dollars
for a telephone consultation."

Th