said, 'Sammy, don't you know that
was very anti-social?'"

HUSBAND--"You'll never get that new dog of yours to mind you."

WIFE--"Oh, yes, I will.--You were just as troublesome yourself at
first."

_See also_ Children; Parents.

DISCOUNTS

SPOKESMAN OF CREDITORS--"Veil, Cohen, we've decided to accept five
cents on a tollar--cash."

COHEN, THE DEBTOR--"Cash, you say? Den, of course, I get der regular
cash discount?"--_Puck_.

DISCRETION

WILLIE--"Pa, what is discretion?"

FATHER--"Oh, that's only another name for lack of nerve, my son."

Discretion is the perfection of reason, and a guide to win all the
duties of life.--_Addison_.

DISPOSITION

"Allow me to congratulate you."

"What for?"

"Oh, for just anything--the sunshine, the blue skies, the fact that
you are up and about. Isn't that something?"

"No!"

"Then congratulate me for not having a disposition like yours."

"Have you heard my last joke?" asked the Pest, as he stopped the
Grouch on the street.

"I hope so," replied the Grouch, as he kept on traveling.

"Why is it, Bob," asked George of a very stout friend, "that you fat
fellows are always good natured?"

"We have to be," answered Bob. "You see, we can't either fight or
run."

"What a cheerful woman Mrs. Smiley is!"

"Isn't she? Why, do you know, that woman can have a good time thinking
what a good time she would have if she were having it."

DISTANCES

The German officer who confiscated a map of Cripple Creek belonging
to an American traveler, and remarked that "the German Army might get
there some time," should be classed with the London banker who said
to a solicitous mother seeking to send cash to San Antonio, Texas, for
her wandering son: "We haven't any correspondent in San Antonio, but
I'll give you a draft on New York, and he can ride in and cash it any
fine afternoon."

At Sadieville, Ky., a tourist called to an old colored man: "Hey
uncle! How far is it to Lexington?"

"I don't know, suh; hit used to be 'bout twenty-five mile, but
ev'ything's gone up so I speck hit's 'bout fohty now, suh."

"Where do you live in the city--close in?"

"Fairly so--thirty minutes on foot, fifteen by motor-car, twenty-five
by street-car, and forty-five by telephone."

DIVORCE

"Binks has married again."

"I knew he didn't deserve that divorce!"

At the present terrific rate of divorce cases, we shall soon need a
ne