een tangled up with a road-roller.

"Why, Dinah!" exclaimed she, "what in the world has happened to you?"

"Was me husban,'" explained Dinah. "He done went an' beat me ag'in,
an' jes' fo' nothin', too!"

"Again!" cried Mrs. Smith, with increasing wonder. "Is he in the habit
of beating you? Why don't you have him arrested?"

"Been thinkin' ob it several times, missy," was the rejoinder of
Dinah, "but I hain't nebah had no money to pay his fine."

"Yes," said the storekeeper, "I want a good, bright boy to be partly
indoors and partly outdoors."

"That's all right," said the applicant, "but what becomes of me when
the door slams shut?"--_Judge_.

DINING

_Nocturne_

The hour grows late,
And hungrily I wait
To hear her say
Three words--three little words,
Yet great
Enough to bring completeness to the day.

At last she comes,
Cassandra tall and dark--
Oh, very dark! A careless tune she hums,
And pauses shamelessly to mark
How her delay has angered or unnerved
The weak among us. Then she snuffles--Hark!
_"Dinnah am served!"_
--E.W.B.

"Has Bobbie been eating between meals?"

"Bobbie has no between meals."--_Life_.

A farmer who went to a large city to see the sights engaged a room
at a hotel, and before retiring asked the clerk about the hours for
dining.

"We have breakfast from six to eleven, dinner from eleven to three,
and supper from three to eight," explained the clerk.

"Wa-al, say," inquired the farmer in surprise, "what time air I goin'
ter git ter see the town?"

"Mama, I want a dark breakfast."

"Dark breakfast? What do you mean, child?"

"Why, last night you told Mary to give me a light supper, and I didn't
like it."

MOTHER (at the breakfast-table)--"You always ought to use your napkin,
Georgie."

GEORGIE--"I am usin' it, mother; I've got the dog tied to the leg of
the table with it."

DIPLOMACY

"Father," said the small boy, "what is an overt act?"

"My son, an overt act is something that either compels you to be so
rude as to fight or so polite as to pretend you didn't notice it."

"Now, sir," said the persuasive philanthropist, "we want you to be the
chairman of the big meeting which we are to hold."

"How much?" inquired Mr. Cassius Chex, wearily.

"I don't quite follow you."

"How much is the deficit that you expect my subscription to meet?"

Uncle Mose owns and operates an "exclusive shoe-shin