on of a
Southern church, being desirous of honoring their pastor, wrote to the
dean of a certain faculty: "We want to get our beloved pastor a D.D.
We enclose all the money we can raise at present. Be good enough to
send one D. now. We hope to raise sufficient for the other D. by and
by."

DEMAGOG

"Father," said the small boy, "what is a demagog?"

"A demagog, my son, is a man who can rock the boat himself and
persuade everybody that there's a terrible storm at sea."

DEMOCRACY

ADKINS--"Well, the world is at last safe for democracy."

WATKINS--"Just what is democracy, anyway?"

"A democracy is a form of government where one party doesn't do things
as they ought to be done, and the other party tells how much better
they would be done if it were in power."

In his first lecture in New York the visiting English writer and wit,
G.K. Chesterton, protested against prohibition and other limitations
on American freedom. He quoted the phrase from Patrick Henry's
address, "Give me liberty or give me death." Then he said:

"If Patrick Henry could arise from the dead and revisit the land of
the living and see the vast system and social organization and social
science which now controls, he would probably simplify his observation
and say: 'Give me death!'"

Democracy means not "I am as good as you are," but "you are as good as
I am."--_Theodore Parker_.

DENTISTS

"Pardon me for a moment, please," said the dentist to the victim, "but
before beginning this work I must have my drill."

"Good heavens, man!" exclaimed the patient irritably. "Can't you pull
a tooth without a rehearsal?"

Dinah had been troubled with a toothache for some time before she got
up enough courage to go to a dentist. The moment he touched her tooth
she screamed.

"What are you making such a noise for?" he demanded. "Don't you know
I'm a 'painless dentist'?"

"Well, sah," retorted Dinah, "mebbe yo' is painless, but Ah isn't."

DENTIST--"Open wider, please--wider."

PATIENT--"A--A--A--Ah."

DENTIST (inserting rubber gag, towel, and sponge)--"How's your
family?"

A young man who needed false teeth wrote to a dentist ordering a set
as follows:

"My mouth is three inches acrost, five-eighths inches threw the jaw.
Some hummocky on the edge. Shaped like a hoss-shew, toe forward. If
you want me to be more particular, I shall have to come thar."

Dentist, speaking to patient about to have a tooth extra