DEAD BEATS

_See_ Bills; Collecting of accounts.

DEBTS

CREDITOR--"You couldn't go around in your fine automobile if you paid
your debts."

DEBTOR--"That's so! I'm glad you look at it in the same light that I
do."

HARDUPPE--"I really must apologize for looking so shabby."

FLUBDUBB--"Oh, clothes don't make the man."

HARDUPPE--"Still, many a man owes a lot to his tailor."

"Look 'ere--I asks yer for the last time for that 'arf-dollar yer owes
me."

"Thank 'evins!--that's the end of a silly question."

A floating debt is a poor life saver.

"Yes," said the world traveler, "the Chinese make it an invariable
rule to settle all their debts on New-year's day."

"So I understand," said the American host, "but, then, the Chinese
don't have a Christmas the week before."

OKE--"Would you be satisfied if you had all the money you wanted?"

OWENS--"I'd be satisfied if I had all the money my creditors wanted."

MR. THURSDAY--"Our friend, Dodge, tells me that he is doing settlement
work lately."

MR. FRIDAY--"Yes, his creditors finally cornered him."

"How did Cranbury ever manage to get so deeply in debt as he is?"

"I wish I knew. I can't even stand my grocer off for more than a week
at a time."

RASTUS--"How much, boss?"

DRUGGIST--"Sixty cents and three cents war tax."

RASTUS--"Boss, Ah done thought de wah was over."

DRUGGIST--"Sure, it is, but we have to pay the debts."

RASTUS--"Boss, Ah always thought de one whut lost paid de debts. Dat's
why I fight so hard."

"I was preparing to shave a chap the other afternoon," says a head
barber. "I had trimmed his hair, and from such talk as I had had with
him I judged him to be an easy-going, unexcitable sort of fellow. But
suddenly his manner changed. Out of the corner of his eye he had seen
a man enter whose appearance upset him."

"Hurry, George!" he muttered to me. "Lather to the eyes--quick, quick!
Here comes my tailor!"

IRATE FATHER--"It's astonishing, Richard, how much money you need."

SON--"I don't need it, father; it's the hotel-keepers, the tailors,
and the taxicab men."

_See also_ Bills; Collecting of accounts.

DEGREES

"You college men seem to take life pretty easy."
"Yes; even when we graduate we do it by degrees."

--_Boston Transcript_.

Our British cousins seem to think we have peculiar ways of getting our
D.D.'s over here. A London newspaper relates how the congregati