id:

"Your time's up noo, Sandy."

An old colored minister announced that he had invented an automatic
collection basket, which would be passed around by the deacons of his
church. "It is so arranged, my brethren," said he, "dat if you drop in
a quatah or half dollah it falls noiselessly on a red plush cushion;
if you drop a nickel it will ring a bell dat can be distinctly heard
by de entiah congregation; but if you let fall a suspender button, my
brethren, it will fiah off a pistol."

"Father," said the minister's son, "my teacher says that 'collect' and
'congregate' mean the same thing. Do they?"

"Perhaps they do, my son," said the venerable clergyman; "but you
may tell your teacher that there is a vast difference between a
congregation and a collection."

"My sermon on thrift made a tremendous impression on the
congregation."

"How do you know?"

"I could tell when I counted the collection."

"Rastus, how is it you have given up going to church?" asked Pastor
Brown.

"Well, sah," replied Rastus. "it's dis way. I likes to take an active
part, an' I used to pass de collection-basket, but dey's give de job
to Brothah Green, who jest returned from ovah thai-ah."

"In recognition of his heroic service, I suppose?"

"No, sah. I reckon he got dat job in reco'nition o' his having lost
one o' his hands."

BESS--"Somebody passed a counterfeit dime on Bob a year ago, and he
hasn't been able to get rid of it since."

MAIDEN AUNT (horrified)--"What! Does that young man never go to
church, then?"

A Scotch minister in need of funds thus conveyed his intentions to his
congregation:

"Weel, friends, the kirk is urgently in need of siller, and as we have
failed to get money honestly we will have to see what a bazaar can do
for us."

It is said that the farthing was coined in response to a demand from
Scotchmen for a satisfactory coin for the collection box. It's value
is a fourth of a cent.

A minister was on his vacation in the country. A neighboring church
heard of it and asked him to preach while their own pastor was away.
He consented and, on the Sunday when he was to supply, he and his boy
walked across the fields to the church. In the vestibule there was a
box for voluntary contributions and the minister after feeling around
in his pocket found fifty cents which he dropped in. After the sermon,
the elders came up to express their appreciation for his fine sermon
and then remembered they