man in England," said Foote.

"Except the mayor," cried the landlord.

"I except nobody," said he.

"But you must!" screamed the host.

"I won't!"

"You must!"

At length a petty magistrate took Foote before the mayor, who observed
that it had been customary in that town for a great number of years
always to "except the mayor," and accordingly fined him a shilling for
not conforming to ancient custom. Upon this decision, Foote paid the
shilling, at the same time observing that he thought the landlord the
greatest fool in Christendom--except the mayor.

To follow foolish precedents, and wink
With both our eyes, is easier than to think.

--_Cowper_.

Custom does often reason overrule,
And only serves for reason to the fool.

--_Rochester_.

DACHSHUNDS

An Englishman sat at a New York boarding-house table. One of the
boarders was telling a story in which a "dachshund" figured. She was
unable for a moment to think of the word.

"It was one of these--what do you call them?--one of these long German
dogs."

The Englishman dropped his fork: his face beamed. "Frankfurters!"

DAMAGES

The conversation turned to the subject of damage-suits, and this
anecdote was recalled by Senator George Sutherland, of Utah.

A man in a Western town was hurt in a railroad accident, and after
being confined to his home for several weeks he appeared on the street
walking with the aid of crutches.

"Hello, old fellow," greeted an acquaintance, rushing up to shake his
hand. "I am certainly glad to see you around again."

"Thanks," responded the injured one. "I am glad to be around again."

"I see you are hanging fast to your crutches," observed the
acquaintance. "Can't you do without them?"

"My doctor says I can," answered the injured party, "but my lawyer
says I can't."

"I have come here," said the angry man to the superintendent of the
street-car line, "to get justice; justice, sir. Yesterday, as my wife
was getting off one of your cars, the conductor stept on her dress and
tore a yard of frilling off the skirt."

The superintendent remained cool.

"Well, sir," he said, "I don't know that we are to blame for that.
What do you expect us to do? Get her a new dress?"

"No, sir. I do not intend to let you off so easily as that," the other
man replied gruffly. He brandished in his right hand a small piece of
silk.

"What I propose to have you do," he said, "is to match this si