rrested foh stealin' mah chickens, yo' Sambo
Washin'ton-dat's jess what ah'm gwine to do," said Rastus.

"Go ahead, nigguh," retorted Sambo. "Go ahead and hab me arrested.
Ah'll mek yo' prove whar yo' got dem chickens yo'seff!"

JUDGE-"I'm going to fine you five dollars for the chickens you stole
the last two weeks."

RASTUS-"How'll it be if Ah pays seben-fifty, Jedge? Dat'll pay fob up
to an' includin' next Saturday night."--_Life_.

A negro soldier was brought up before his superior officer, who said:
"Sam, you are charged with stealing a chicken from this Frenchwoman's
farm. Now, how about it? Have you any witnesses to stand for you?"

"Witnesses?" echoed Sam in surprise. "No, suh, I ain't hab no
witnesses. When I goes chicken stealing I never hab no witnesses
aroun'."

An old colored uncle was found by the preacher prowling in his
barnyard late one night.

"Uncle Calhoun," said the preacher sternly, "it can't be good for your
rheumatism to be prowling round here in the rain and cold."

"Doctor's orders, sah," the old man answered.

"Doctor's orders?" asked the preacher. "Did he tell you to go prowling
round all night?"

"No, sah, not exactly, sah," said Uncle Cal; "but he done ordered me
chicken broth."

In times of peace Smith might have been an author who had drifted into
some useful occupation, such as that of a blacksmith, but just now he
is cook to the Blankshire officers' mess. Smith sent Murphy into the
village to bring home some chickens ordered for the mess.

"Murphy," said Smith, the next day, "when you fetch me chickens again,
see that they are fastened up properly. That lot you fetched yesterday
all got loose, and tho I scoured the village I only managed to secure
ten of them."

"Sh!" said Murphy. "I only brought six."

CHILD LABOR

SOUTHERNER--"Why are you Northerners always harping on the children
employed in Southern factories?"

NORTHERNER--"Well, for one thing, it detracts people's attention from
the children employed in ours."--Life.

CHILDREN

JOHNNY--"What makes the new baby at your house cry so much, Tommy?"

TOMMY--"It don't cry so very much--and, anyway, if all your teeth were
out, your hair off, and your legs so weak you couldn't stand on them,
guess you'd feel like crying yourself."

A little girl was entertaining the visitors while her mother added
the finishing touches to her toilet. One of the ladies said with a
significant look: "Not v