be back?" she called.

"You gits no chance mit me," he answered. "I don't want you; I haf got
me a girl alreaty."

A clergyman was spending the afternoon at a house in the English
village where he had preached. After tea he was sitting in the garden
with his hostess. Out rushed her little boy holding a rat above his
head. "Don't be afraid, mother," he cried; "he's dead. We beat him and
bashed him and thumped him until"--catching sight of the clergyman, he
added, in a lowered voice--"until God called him home."

Two Irish women in the market place of Cork were talking of the new
curate.

"Arrah, Biddy," said one, "did ye hear him last Sunday when he
preached on 'Hell'?"

"Faith an' I did that same, and shure he might have been born and
reared there, so well did he know all about it."

An Episcopal rector and a Roman Catholic priest had neighboring
churches and didn't get along very well. After some time, however,
they got together and decided to bury the hatchet.

"For, after all," said he of the Episcopal faith, "we are both doing
the Lord's work."

"That is true," said the priest. "Let us therefore do his work to the
best of our ability: you in your way," concluded the priest, and then
added with a twinkle, "and I in his!"

_See also_ Contribution box; Preaching.

CLOTHING

"I simply can't understand the combination of my wife's clothes."

"What puzzles you?"

"Well, when she wants to hide anything, she pokes it down her neck,
but when she wants to get it again it's always in her stocking."

_Why They Don't Wear Old Clothes_

Father--Because he never can tell when he might be detained at the
office on business.

Brother Bill--Because he has got to look his best in case he meets (a)
a certain young lady, (b) her father, (c) her mother, (d) any other
near relative of (a).

Sister May--Because everybody would know it if she put on one of last
year's dresses.

Angela, aged five--Because she has outgrown everything she ever wore.

Tommy, aged seven--Because he has outworn everything he hasn't
outgrown.

The Richest Man in Town--Because he can't afford to look shabby.

The Poorest Man in Town--Same reason.

The Mayor--Because he is mayor.

His Chief Rival--Because he hopes to become mayor.

The President of the Ladies' Federation--Because the newspapers are
forever sending photographers after her.

Mother--Because there's no fun playing the game alone.

Where are the