get
every new slant on coal. He said to the clipping bureau: "I want
everything you can find about coal." The first clipping he got was an
article about a man who was suing his wife for a separation because
she hit him on the head with a lump of coal.

COFFEE

Senator Stone, of Missouri, is a lover of coffee, and unless it is
both strong and good the waiter at restaurant or hotel soon hears from
him. Recently he took a little trip to Baton Rouge and went into a
restaurant for dinner. On raising his cup to his lips he made a wry
face and then beckoned to the proprietor.

"What do you call this stuff?" he asked.

"Coffee," meekly replied the man, somewhat surprised.

"Coffee!" repeated Stone with scorn. "I could put a coffee bean into
my mouth, dive into the Mississippi River from the end of this street,
swim 'way up to Vicksburg, and I'll guarantee that any one could bail
up much better coffee than this over the entire route!"

COLLECTING OF ACCOUNTS

DRESSMAKER--"I have come to see you sir, about Mrs. Brown's account."

BROWN (angrily)--"Why don't you see my wife about it and not come to
me?"

DRESSMAKER--"I have, several times, but every time I call she does
nothing but order a new gown."

A young Swede in South Dakota, who had been sent out to collect bills
for the general store, returned with this report:

"Yon Brown, he say he pay when he sell his wheat; Ole Oleson, he
say he pay when he sell his oats; and Yon Yonson, he say he pay in
Yanuary."

"In January?" repeated the proprietor, surprised. "Why, he never set a
date before. Are you sure he said in January?"

"Veil, Ay tank it bane Yanuary. He say it bane dam cold day when you
get your money."

During an epidemic in a small Southern town every infected house
was put under quarantine. After the disease had been checked, an old
negress protested vigorously when the health officers started to take
down the sign on her house.

"Why, Auntie," exclaimed the officer, "why don't you want me to take
it down?"

"Well, sah," she answered, "dey ain' be'n a bill collectah neah dis
house sence dat sign went up. You-all let it alone!"

Little Andrew was playing in the yard, in which there is a coop for
his pigeons. All pigeons were inside with the exception of one which
was walking up and down in front of the door. Andrew ran up to his
mother in great excitement and said:

"Mamma, is that one a collector?"

Whereat his mother as