ITTLE GIRL--"My mother is at the hospital."

NEIGHBOR--"Why! I did not know your mother was ill."

LITTLE GIRL--"No, it is my aunt who is ill."

NEIGHBOR--"What is the matter with your aunt?"

LITTLE GIRL--"She has a bad headache."

NEIGHBOR--"Why! I did not know any one went to the hospital for a bad
headache!"

LITTLE GIRL (looking up quickly with a very interested, bright look
on her face)--"That is not the real reason, I think; they are spelling
things on me."

A little boy of seven was being scolded in a room adjoining one in
which his grandma lay ill. He motioned toward grandma's room and
quietly said, "Sh--! it's too much for her; it'll wear her out."

Later, grandma thanked him for his consideration, whereupon he
replied, "Don't mention it, gran; that was fifty-fifty--part for you
and part for me."

George was hampered by a mother whose idea of godliness was
cleanliness. Notwithstanding the frequent baths to which he was
condemned George thrived exceedingly. One day a neighbor remarked on
his rapid growth.

"Yes," said George, "that's ma's fault--she waters me so much."

_See also_ Boys.

CHOICES

The Czar was recently complimenting a soldier, and asked him if he
would rather have 100 rubles or the Iron Cross.

"Would your Majesty deign to tell me the value of the cross?" inquired
the private.

"Oh, it is not worth much intrinsically, perhaps two rubles."

"Then, your Majesty, I will take the cross and ninety-eight rubles."

This is an interesting episode, and the most interesting thing about
it is that it also happened during the Franco-Prussian War, the
Crimean War, the Seven Years' War, and the Marlborough campaigns.

_Eyeball or Highball_

An old Scotsman was threatened with blindness if he did not give up
drinking.

"Now, McTavish," said the doctor, "it's like this: You've either to
stop the whisky or lose your eyesight, and you must choose."

"Ay, weel, doctor," said McTavish, "I'm an auld man noo, an' I was
thinkin' I ha'e seen about everything worth seein'."

OFFICER-"Hang it! you've brought the wrong boots. Can't you see one is
black and the other brown?"

BATMAN-"Sure, but the other pair is just the same."

"Let me see! How does that old saying go: 'Of two evils always
choose--?"

"Always choose the one you haven't indulged in before."

CHRISTIAN SCIENTISTS

Dorothy, who is six, has a playmate younger than herself whose parents
are Chri