l and whistle,
Rollin' in the sand;
Let him have the freedom of the whole back lot.
Things that hurt like thorn o' thistle
Workin' in your hand
You'll be wishin' some time that those things were not!
When I think of babies--old
From the things that can't be told--
And then look at him a-dancin',
Singin', shoutin', in his joy:
Don't put out a hand to stop him!
Mother--let him be a boy!

William's uncle was a very tall, fine-looking man, while his father
was very small. William admired his uncle, and wished to grow up like
him. One day he said to his mother:

"Mama, how did uncle grow so big and tall?"

His mother said: "Well, when uncle was a small boy he was always a
very good boy, and tried to do what was right at all times; so God let
him grow up big and tall."

William thought this over seriously for a few minutes, then said:
"Mama, what kind of a boy was papa?"

_See also_ Office boys.

BRIDES

And men relate that Mrs. Newlywed went to the grocery store to do her
morning marketing. And she was determined that the grocer should not
take advantage of her youth and inexperience.

"These eggs are dreadfully small," she criticized.

"I know it," he answered. "But that's the kind the farmer brings me.
They are just fresh from the country this morning."

"Yes," said the bride, "and that's the trouble with those farmers.
They are so anxious to get their eggs sold that they take them off the
nest too soon!"

"Hello! Is this you, mother, dear?"

"Yes, Sue? What is it? Something awful must have happened for you to
call me up at this--"

"It's not so awful. But, John, dear, hasn't been feeling well and the
doctor gave him pills to take every four hours. I've been sitting up
to give them to him, and now it's about time for the medicine, and
John has fallen asleep. Should I wake him?"

"I wouldn't if I were you. What is he suffering from?"

"Insomnia."

WIFE--"Oh, George, do order a rat-trap to be sent home today."

GEORGE--"But you bought one last week."

WIFE--"Yes, dear, but there's a rat in that."

"What kind of coal do you wish, mum?"

"Dear me, I am so inexperienced in these things. Are there various
kinds?"

"Oh, yes. We have egg coal, chestnut--"

"I think I'll take egg coal. We have eggs oftener than we have
chestnuts."

BROOKLYN

"Where can I find a map of Brooklyn, old man?"

"There ain't any such thing. No o