* * * * *

"Are your folks well to do?"

"No. They're hard to do."

* * * * *

"If you should die, what would you do with your body?"

"I don't know."

"I'd sell mine to a medical student."

"Then you'd be giving yourself dead away."

* * * * *

"I was at the track to-day, Percy, and there was a horse down
there with the itch. He came up to the post, and they scratched
him."

* * * * *

HE--"Yes, she is living under an assumed name."

SHE--"Horrible! What is it?"

HE--"The one she assumed immediately after her husband married
her!"

* * * * *

BIGGS--"I hear the jail was afire this morning?"

BAGGS--"Naw; it was only a sell."

* * * * *

Love they say is blind. Well: if so marriage must be an
eye-opener.

* * * * *

"It doesn't do any good to scold the janitor about our cold
rooms."

"Yes, it does. I get all warmed up when I talk to him."

* * * * *

"This liver is awful, Maud," said Mr. Newwed.

"I'm very sorry," returned the bride, "I'll tell the cook to
speak to the livery-man about it."

* * * * *

"Who was the first one that came from the ark when it landed."

"Noah."

"You are wrong. Don't the good book tell us that Noah came forth?
So there must have been three ahead of him."

* * * * *

RAILWAY CLERK--Another accident on the road to-day, sir.

MANAGER--Indeed; What now?

CLERK--Man dislocated his neck trying to read our new time table.

* * * * *

"I got your fare, didn't I?" asked the conductor.

"I believe not," the facetious passenger replied. "I think I saw
you ring it up."

* * * * *

ISAACS--Undt suppose dey did send us a message from Mars, how
could dey tell if we got it?

COHEN--Vell, dey mighd send it gollect undt see if ve paid for
it.

* * * * *

HE--I'll go to-morrow and buy a diamond engagement ring.

SHE--Now, George, for the first time your talk has the true ring
in it.

* * * * *

"I am told," said she, saucily, "that though you are a military
man, you are afraid of powder."

"To p