* * *

MAUD--How do you define love?

MARIE--Love is the life of illusion.

"And what is marriage?" "Oh, marriage is the death of them."

* * * * *

WEEKS--Well, how are things over in Boston? Have they named any
new pie "Aristotle" yet?

WENTMAN--No-o. But I heard a man there ask for a Plato soup.

* * * * *

SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER--What is meant in the parable by a "house
built upon a rock?"

SUNDAY SCHOOL SCHOLAR--A Harlem flat.

* * * * *

"I am quite surprised, Mr. Meeker, to account for your wife's
knowledge of parliamentary law."

"Great Caesar! Hasn't she been speaker of the house for the last
fifteen years?"

* * * * *

MR. GREATHEAD, the landlord, says he prefers as tenants
experienced chess player, because it is so seldom they move.

* * * * *

"You have a bad cold," he said. "I have," she replied huskily. "I
am so hoarse that if you attempted to kiss me I couldn't even
scream."

* * * * *

A little burn makes a big smart sometimes. But even a big burn
could not make some people smart.

* * * * *

"Don't talk to me about compulsory vaccination!" exclaimed the
man who had his arm in a sling. "I'm sore on that subject."

* * * * *

There are many sweet, entrancing moments in this life, but when a
man steps on your pet corn you do not experience one of them.

* * * * *

The impecunious young man who marries a girl with a substantial
check attached may very properly be said to have been checkmated.

* * * * *

VISITOR--I suppose you have a great deal of poetry sent into you
for publication?

EDITOR--No, not very much poetry as a rule; some of it is verse,
and some of it is worse.

* * * * *

"What is your idea of happiness?"

"Nothing to do and lots of time to do it in."

* * * * *

--So Ethel is to marry that young Bob Halstey; why, he has been
jilted by half a dozen girls.

--Case of being well shaken before taken, I suppose.

* * * * *

"I've been pondering over a very singular thing."

"What is it?"

"How putting a ring on