* * * * *

"Did you ever hear about the two holes in our back-yard?"

"Well! Well!"

* * * * *

"Old Jones was killed last night by a dew-drop."

"Must have been a very heavy one."

"About four hundred tons."

"Horrible!"

"You see he was standing under the trestle, and a freight train
ran off the track and dropped on him."

"But how about the dew?"

"Why, the train was due!"

* * * * *

FIRST DOCTOR--Well, doctor, I had a peculiar case to-day.

SECOND DOCTOR--What was it, please?

FIRST DOCTOR--I attended a grass widow who is afflicted with hay
fever.

* * * * *

FRED--Did you hear of The Western Furniture Co. advertising for
models.

DICK--What for?

FRED--To try on Parlor suits.

* * * * *

"Yes, there is one part of the dough-nut that wouldn't give you
dyspepsia."

"And what part is that?"

"The hole in the middle!"

* * * * *

FANNIE--Why do people always apply the name of "she" to a city?

GEORGE--I don't know. Why is it?

FANNIE--Because every city has outskirts.

* * * * *

"And you really believe that Friday is an unlucky day?"

"I know it is."

"Washington was born on Friday, and so was Napoleon and Tennyson
and Gladstone."

"Yes, and every mother's son of them is dead!"

* * * * *

"Are you an amateur photographer?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, I heard that you got Miss Rox's negative last night."

* * * * *

Pat and Mike each wanted to be first up on St. Patrick's Day.

PAT--"If I'm up first I'll make a chalk mark on the door."

MIKE--"And if I get up first I'll rub it out!"

* * * * *

SIBLY--When Steve proposed to me he acted like a fish out of
water.

TIRPIE--Why shouldn't he? He knew he was caught.

* * * * *

SHE--Why do they call it an arm of the sea?

HE--Because it hugs the shore, I guess.

* * * * *

The sunshine warm and budding trees,
Made Johnny feel quite gay.
He went to swim--the obsequies
Are being held to-day.

* * * * *

"What's the matter, John? You look kind o' weather-beaten this
morni