skeptical.

"Sure," replied the other. "You ought to see the salaries our
baseball players get."

* * * * *

This life's a game of chance, they say:
The saw's more sad than witty,
The public gathers 'round to play,
The trust controls the "kitty."

* * * * *

GEORGE--I can't understand why my girl shook me.

HAROLD--What was that you wrote to her the last time?

GEORGE--All that I said was, "My Dear Susie: The dog I promised
you has just died. Hoping these few lines will find you the same.
Yours, George."

* * * * *

Now comes the question which will make
This life a bitter cup....
How many hoopskirts will it take
To fill a trolley car up?

* * * * *

"Speaking of accommodating hotel clerks," remarked a Portland
commercial traveller, "the best I ever saw was in a town near
Bangor. Just before I retired I heard a scampering under the bed
and looked under, expecting to see a burglar. Instead I saw a
couple of large rats just escaping into their hole. I dressed and
went down to the office and put in a big kick. The clerk was as
serene as a summer's breeze.

"'I'll fix that, all right, sir,' he said. 'Front! Take a cat to
23 at once.'"

* * * * *

A recent school examination in England elicited the following
definitions:

"Noah's wife," wrote one boy, "was called Joan of Arc." "Water,"
wrote another, "is composed of two gases, oxygen and cambrigen."
"Lava," replied a third youth, "is what the barber puts on your
face." "A blizzard," insisted another child, "is the inside of a
fowl."

* * * * *

"Why don't you demand $50,000 instead of $5,000?" said the
lawyer.

"Oh, because," explained the lady of the breach of promise suit.
"Then he might change his mind and want to marry me."

* * * * *

"I'll admit," said Mrs. Hylo, "there are some things I don't
know"----

"That's no lie," interrupted her husband.

"But," continued the alleged better half of the combination,
"that man doesn't live who can tell me what they are."

* * * * *

"Friend of mine to-day," said Mr. Kidder, "was talking of coming
here to board."

"I hope," remarked Mrs. Starvem, "you were pleased to recommend
our table and"--