hermometer. "People are beginning to look upon me as a thing of
low degree."

* * * * *

"I wouldn't stand for that if I were you. Why don't you call him
a liar?"

"That's just what I'll do. Where, where is your telephone?"

* * * * *

"This," murmured the demure maiden, when her lover nudged up
still closer on the sofa, "is the closest call I've ever had."

* * * * *

The rapidity of ocean transport is becoming truly marvelous. A
sea captain boasts that he finished loading a cargo of wheat at
San Francisco by dinner time, and then went to China for tea.

* * * * *

"You are making yourself rather officious in this crowd," said a
burly policeman to a notorious pickpocket. "I am only trying to
dis-purse them," said the thief.

* * * * *

The slats of the shutter of our office-window are in a
dilapidated condition. "Please help the blind."

* * * * *

"Did you ever catch your husband flirting?"

"Yes; that's the very way I did catch him."

* * * * *

A deaf and dumb mute recently went into a bicycle shop and picked
up a hub and spoke.

* * * * *

The girl who marries a title very frequently turns her fortune to
a count.

* * * * *

There appears to be no affinity between the prestidigitator and
the theatrical manager, yet they both make passes.

* * * * *

We don't always know just how the "other half" lives; but, in
Chicago, the "better half" lives on her alimony.

* * * * *

"What did de lady do when yer asked her for an old collar?"

"She gave me a turndown."

* * * * *

"Are any of the colors discernible to the touch?" asked the
school teacher.

"I have often felt blue," replied the boy at the head of the
class.

* * * * *

"What is there about betting on horse-races that is so bad for
the health?" said young Mrs. Brown.

"I never heard of anything," answered the visitor.

"Didn't you? Every time Charley makes a bet he comes home and
says there is something wrong with his system."

* * * * *

"Jackson never lights one