"Oh, indeed; and may I inquire what they are?" "The lines."

* * * * *

The old lady who sent as presents to a newly-married couple a
rolling-pin, a pain of flat-irons and a motto inscribed "Fight
On," must have a grudge against them.

* * * * *

A man who had not the best reputation for strict veracity died
the other day, and the family was greatly incensed because some
well-meaning friends sent in a broken lyre as a floral tribute.

* * * * *

"It's been a coal day when you're left," said the kindling-wood
to the cinder. "You're too chip-per," replied the cinder to the
kindling wood. "Go to blazes," said the match, as it dropped in
and fired both up.

* * * * *

"That young gentleman has a very taking manner," said one young
lady to another at a party, of a young man who had just left
them.

"Yes," was the reply, "that's his business."

"His business? What is he?"

"A photographer."

* * * * *

KID--Did the dogs ever bite you?

GENT--What dogs?

KID--The dogs you ran after. Pa was telling Ma that you used to
chase the growler when he first knew you.

* * * * *

GUARD--I suppose when you were in the army you often saw a picket
fence?

G.A.R.--Yes, but is was a more common sight to see a sentry box.

* * * * *

A simple old farmer, McVeagh,
Whom every one said was a jeagh,
Fell in with a man
On the confidence plan,
And now he is back making heagh.

* * * * *

"Why, the bare idea!"

"Of what, dear?"

"Telling the naked truth!"

* * * * *

BESS--May wears the worst clothes when she is riding horseback.
Look at her now!

FRED--That certainly is one of her bad habits.

* * * * *

"That," said the loaf, pointing to the oven, "is where I was
bred."

* * * * *

FIRST FLY--Did it ever occur to you the baldheaded men have a
keener sense of humor than others?

SECOND FLY--Well, I have noticed that they seem to be easily
tickled.

* * * * *

The rubber plant was rubb'ring round
In a manner most absurd:
The long green corn prickled up