ld
remember that 'haste' makes waist."

* * * * *

"Anything new in your neighborhood?" we asked a farmer.

"Yes, the whole neighborhood is stirred up," he replied.

"What is the cause?" we asked eagerly.

"Ploughing."

* * * * *

"I don't give a rap," said the coachman, haughtily, as he rang
the electric bell.

* * * * *

A farmer once called his cow "Zephyr,"
She seemed such an amiable hephyr.
When the farmer drew near,
She kicked off his ear,
And now the old farmer's much dephyr.

* * * * *

"Are you engaged?" inquired the lady of Bridget at the
intelligence office. "No, mum, but I have regular company for
four nights o' the week."

* * * * *

How to gain flesh--buy out a butcher shop.

* * * * *

IDA--"Yes, dear, this is one of those 'perfume' concerts the same
as they have in New York."

MAY--"Perfume? Why I smell gasoline."

IDA--"Well, you see, they are playing the 'Automobile March'
now."

* * * * *

When the curtain at the theater takes a drop the majority of the
males in the audience go out to follow suit.

* * * * *

"There's one peculiar feature about the trust business."

"What?"

"Those interested in it don't need it."

"Don't need what?"

"Trust. They can pay cash."

* * * * *

A woman's shoe that is "a mile too big," is never a foot in
length.

* * * * *

Full many a coat tail that is long and wide
Does from the public gaze two monstrous patches hide.

* * * * *

The glazier is not necessarily a tiresome man because he "gives
you a pane."

* * * * *

"Some men are easily satisfied," remarked the Observer of Events
and Things. "There is the clock-maker, for instance, he never
gets any extra pay, and yet every day he works overtime."

* * * * *

A poacher, surprised at his work and pursued in his escape by a
vengefully thrown axe, remarked, as he vaulted a fence: "I have
no fault to find with your remarks, but I object to the
axe-sent."

* * * * *

Take away my f