eing so positive."

* * * * *

An Irishman in order to celebrate the advent of a new era, went
out on a lark. He didn't get home, till 3 o'clock in the morning,
and was barely in the house before a nurse rushed up and,
uncovering a bunch of soft goods, showed him triplets. The
Irishman looked up at the clock which said 3, then at the three
of a kind in the nurse's arms, and said: "O'im not superstitious,
but thank Hivins thot Oi didn't come home at twilve!"

* * * * *

"Good gracious," said the hen when she discovered a porcelain egg
on the nest. "I shall be a bricklayer next."

* * * * *

"Are you intimate with any of the nobility?" asked Chippy. "Well,
rather!" replied Clubdoodle. "I got a queen full last night, and
had a high old time with four kings."

* * * * *

Electricity is a great educator. Think what it has done to make
men see things in a new light.

* * * * *

"Will the coming man use both arms?" asks a scientist. "Yes, if
he can trust the girl to handle the reins."

* * * * *

"I hear Smith, the sea captain, is in hard luck. He married a
girl and she ran away from him."

"Yes, he took her for a mate, but she was a skipper."

* * * * *

Another great discovery of diamonds in Kentucky! A man got five
of them on the first deal.

* * * * *

"What makes so much froth in a glass of beer, pa?"

"The barkeep, my son."

* * * * *

MOSES SCHAUMBURG (to his son Jackey)--"How many are twice two,
Jackey?"

JACKEY-"Tervice two ish six."

"You are wrong, Jackey. Six vas too mooch."

"Don't I know dot, fadder, already some times ago. But I shoot
said six so dot you could Chew me down."

* * * * *

'Tis now the wily urchin mocks
The lynx-eyed cop along the docks,
And plunges in the cooling tide,
Arrayed in naught else but his hide.

* * * * *

Everybody knows a woman is hard to please. She likes the
matrimonial harness, but doesn't like to be hitched up with a man
who is strapped.

* * * * *

"I wonder why blondes are always anxious to be wedded?"

"I guess it is because they'r