y do you wear your stocking wrong side outward?"

PAT--"Because there's a hole on the other side."

* * * * *

"Held by the enemy"--the ulster which we are unable to redeem.

* * * * *

"How could you endure talking so long with that ugly old woman
with that frightful costume without laughing in her face?" "Oh,
that's easy. She is my wife."

* * * * *

TEACHER--When does suicide become a crime?

SMART BOY--When it becomes a confirmed habit.

"Nonsense, sir. Why is suicide a crime?"

"Because it injures the health."

* * * * *

The modern drummer is not much like the month of March. March is
said to come in a lion and go out a lamb, while the drummer comes
in a lyin' and goes out a lyin'.

* * * * *

How to signal a bark--pull a dog's tail.

* * * * *

"Say, pop, do people take snuff nowadays?"

"Sometimes, my son."

"Oh, then its all right?"

"What is all right?"

"Why, I heard mamma telling Aunt Amy that you wasn't up to
snuff."

* * * * *

"I understand that Willoughby was half seas over at the Sneerwell
dinner." "Oh, no. He was sailing into the port when I left."

* * * * *

BACON--What's that thread tied about your little finger for?

EGBERT--Oh, that's just to remind my wife to ask me if I forgot
something she told me to remember.

* * * * *

HE--You saw some old ruins while in England, I presume? SHE--Yes,
indeed! And one of them wanted to marry me.

* * * * *

CHOLLY--Ethel Knox told me last night I wasn't over half-witted.
SUSIE--I shouldn't feel badly about that; she never did know
anything about fractions.

* * * * *

MRS. SWELLERY--What is the matter with my husband, doctor?

PHYSICIAN--Appendicitis, madam.

MRS. S.--I am so glad. I was afraid he might have something
unfashionable.

* * * * *

A man who drives away customers--the cabman.

* * * * *

CLEVERTON--Miss Cutler tells me she has been putting quinine on
her face lately for her complexion.

DASHAWAY--I guess I'll go around there. I have a touch of
malaria.

* *