at's funny," said Pat. "Ye took a pichtur of the divil, an'
he's down below."

* * * * *

"Did you shoot anything, Henrick?"

"Yes, a duck."

"What! a wild one?"

"No, but the farmer was wild."

* * * * *

HE--"The fact is, you women make fools of the men."

SHE--"Sometimes, perhaps; but sometimes we don't have to."

* * * * *

"What was the subject of your debate this evening?"

"Whisky."

"Was it well discussed?"

"Yes, most of the members were full of the subject."

* * * * *

THE DOCTOR--"You regard society as merely a machine, do you? What
part of the machinery do you consider me, for instance?"

THE PROFESSOR--"You are one of the cranks."

* * * * *

"Do you think the elevator boy stole your watch?"

"Well, he swore up and down that he didn't."

* * * * *

SLOPAY--"And, doctor, if you will, I wish you would give me
something to help my memory. I forget so easily."

DOCTOR--"Very well. I'll send you a bill every month."

* * * * *

If the devil lost its tail, where would he go to get another one?

To a liquor store where they retail spirits.

* * * * *

"What must a man be that he shall be buried with military
honors?"

"He must be a captain."

"Then I lose the bet."

"What did you bet?"

"I bet he must be dead."

* * * * *

ACTOR FRIEND (inquiring at boarding house)--Has Mr. Comedy taken
his departure yet?

"Yes," snapped the landlady, "but that's all he did take; I've
got his wardrobe."

* * * * *

"We have German bands and French bands and American bands, but
you never hear of an Irish band. You couldn't have one. Every man
would want to be leader."

* * * * *

He dined, not wisely, but too well--
Hence all his ills;
And nothing now agrees with him,
Excepting pills.

* * * * *

TOMMY--Yes, cats can see in the dark, and so can Ethel; 'cause
when Mr. Wright walked into the parlor when she was sitting all
alone in the dark, I heard her say to him, "Why, Arthur, you
didn't get shaved to-day."

* * * * *

"Too bad th