us there waits the awful bacillus,
The sempiternal, most infernal omnipresent germ.

* * * * *

"What I like about the Irish is that they are so modest and
unassuming."

"Holy smoke!"

"Fact. When an Irishman does anything great he does not go
bragging of his ability as another man would. He merely brags
about Ireland."

* * * * *

"I had soup in a restaurant the other day and found an oyster in
it."

"Great Scott! That one oyster in the soup joke is old."

"Yes, but this was tomato soup."

* * * * *

"I was at a banquet last night. I just had a lovely time. We had
everything a man could wish for."

"Did you have any pale ale?"

"No; we didn't have the pail."

* * * * *

A cement maker advertises that his cement is strong enough to
mend the break of day.

* * * * *

Rowley Powley, pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
** ** ** ** **
But _entre nous_, that legend of yore
Only tells half; they cried for more!

* * * * *

"Are you the photographer?"

"Yes sir."

"Do you take children's pictures?"

"Yes sir."

"How much do you charge?"

"Three dollars a dozen."

"Well, I have to see you again. I've only got eleven."

* * * * *

THE MAN--Edison's a wonder, isn't he?

THE MAID--I don't think so! You can't turn his incandescent
lights down low.

* * * * *

"When were walking-sticks first invented?"

"When?"

"When Eve presented Adam with a little Cain."

* * * * *

"Pat," said one Catholic friend to another, "how would you like
to be buried in a Protestant graveyard?"

"Faith an' I'd die first!"

* * * * *

--No matter how high an awning may be suspended, it is only a
shade above the street.

* * * * *

An Irishman, just landed, seeing an electric-motor car running
for the first time, exclaimed: "Well, well, Ould Nick must be
pullin' it wid a string."

* * * * *

DAME RUMOR ought frequently to have her named spelled without the
e.

* * * * *

"Where are you working now?"

"I'm working