* * *

"Your father has a strong box at home, hasn't he, Willie," said
the teacher.

"Yes'm," replied Willie; "the one he keeps the limburger in."

* * * * *

"This wireless telegraphy reminds me of a groundless quarrel."

"What possible connection is there between the two?"

"It's practically having words over nothing."

* * * * *

To-morrow never comes, they say;
But all such talk is idle gush,
For when we have a debt to pay
To-morrow gets there with a rush.

* * * * *

"Did you go into any of the New York restaurants?"

"No. I got into what I thought was one and I heard a feller call
for Saratoga chips and I knew 'twas a gamblin'-den and got out
quick."

* * * * *

"The word 'reviver' spells the same backwards and forwards."

It was the frivolous man who spoke.

"Can you think of another?"

The serious man scowled up from his newspaper.

"Tut-tut!" he cried contemptuously.

And they rode on in silence.

* * * * *

I hear they're going to change the name of Central Park to
Orchard Park.

Why, how is that?

Well, there are so many pears (pairs) found under the trees.

* * * * *

TOM--"I understand that Cholly went hunting the other day. What
did he hit?"

DICK--"Nothing."

HARRY--"Why, I heard he shot himself in the foot."

DICK--"That's what I said."

* * * * *

"Two wrongs don't make a right."

"Yes, they do."

"How so?"

"Why, some one passed a counterfeit five-dollar bill on me
to-day; that was wrong. I gave it to my landlady for board; that
was wrong, but it made me right."

* * * * *

"It's all foolishness to talk about any one getting the worst of
it in the matrimonial game," declared the big man with a silk hat
and a loud suit of clothes.

"How's that?"

"Marriage is always a tie."

* * * * *

An old lady, being told that a certain lawyer "was lying at the
point of death," exclaimed: "My Gracious! Won't even death stop
that man's lying?"

* * * * *

We mustn't kiss the baby, we mustn't kiss the kid,
We mustn't kiss the dainty miss, so scientists affirm;
To pounce upon and "wrastle"