it ain't," said the boy, somewhat indignant, "it's salt."

* * * * *

TEACHER--Thomas, can you tell me which battle Nelson was killed
in?

TOMMY (after a moment's reflection)--I think it was his last.

* * * * *

JOHNNIE--"Ya-as, I've just come back from Ireland--County Cork.
Ever been to Cork?"

SOUBRETTE--"No--but I've seen a good many drawings of it."

* * * * *

"What is love?"

"A fresh egg."

"Marriage?"

"Hard boiled eggs."

"Divorce?"

"Scrambled eggs."

* * * * *

How by the statesman insincere
Man's weary soul is vexed.
He'll shake your hand one minute and
He'll pull your leg the next!

* * * * *

"Hush, not so loud! We're having a conference of the powers."

"Eh! Who is conferring?"

"My wife, my mother-in-law and the cook."

* * * * *

"I saw De Castro, the magician, make a $20 gold piece disappear
in three minutes." "That's nothing. You ought to see my wife with
a $20 bill at a church bazaar."

* * * * *

An art-school student recently painted the picture of a dog under
a tree so lifelike that it was impossible to distinguish the bark
of the tree from that of the dog.

* * * * *

LADY--Why do you remove your sword, Lieutenant?

GALLANT OFFICER--My lovely miss, the fire from those eyes would
compel the bravest soldier to surrender his arms.

* * * * *

SHE--"You used to call me the light of your life."

HE--"Ah, but I had no idea then how much it would cost to keep it
burning."

* * * * *

MOSES--"How did you make your money, Ike?"

IKE--"By horse-razing."

MOSES--"Vatt, not bedding?"

IKE--"Naw--I started a pawnshop just by the oudside of de
razetrack for de peoble who vanted to get home ven de razes was
over."

* * * * *

HE--Don't you think Miss Plainly is the very image of her mother?

SHE--Yes, indeed; the resemblance is something awful.

* * * * *

--"I want to be an angel."

--"Just wait till you've backed one or two 'stars,' and you'll
change that tune my boy."

* * * * *

Telephone operators are alw