mand my money back."

"Get it?"

"Get nothing! Then he sold me a second-hand gasoline launch and a copy
of 'Venetian Life,' by W.D. Howells."

In a small South Carolina town that was "finished" before the war, two
men were playing checkers in the back of a store. A traveling man who
was making his first trip to the town was watching the game, and, not
being acquainted with the business methods of the citizens, he called
the attention of the owner of the store to some customers who had just
entered the front door.

"Sh! Sh!" answered the storekeeper, making another move on the
checkerboard. "Keep perfectly quiet and they'll go out."

He who finds he has something to sell,
And goes and whispers it down a well,
Is not so apt to collar the dollars,
As he who climbs a tree and hollers.

--_The Advertiser_

SALOONS

"Where can I get a drink in this town?" asked a traveling man who landed
at a little town in the oil region of Oklahoma, of the 'bus driver.

"See that millinery shop over there?" asked the driver, pointing to a
building near the depot.

"You don't mean to say they sell whiskey in a millinery store?"
exclaimed the drummer.

"No, I mean that's the only place here they don't sell it," said the
'bus man.

SALVATION

WILLIS--"Some of these rich fellows seem to think that they can buy
their way into heaven by leaving a million dollars to a church when they
die."

GILLIS--"I don't know but that they stand as much chance as some of
these other rich fellows who are trying to get in on the instalment plan
of ten cents a Sunday while they're living."--_Lauren S. Hamilton_.

An Italian noble at church one day gave a priest who begged for the
souls in purgatory, a piece of gold.

"Ah, my lord," said the good father, "you have now delivered a soul."

The count threw another piece upon the plate.

"Here is another soul delivered," said the priest.

"Are you positive of it?" replied the count.

"Yes, my lord," replied the priest; "I am certain they are now in
heaven."

"Then," said the count, "I'll take back my money, for it signifies
nothing to you now, seeing the souls have already got to heaven."

An Episcopal missionary in Wyoming visited one of the outlying districts
in his territory for the purpose of conducting prayer in the home of a
large family not conspicuous for its piety. He made known his intentions
to the woman of the house, and she murmured vaguely