said the baron,
"What of that?"

"Sir," came back from the enlightened Alphonse, "I have five thousand
francs now."--_Warwick James Price_.

SOCIETY

Smart Society is made up of the worldly, the fleshy, and the
devilish.--_Harold Melbourne_.

"What are her days at home?"

"Oh, a society leader has no days at home anymore. Nowadays she has her
telephone hours."

Society consists of two classes, the upper and the lower. The latter
cultivates the dignity of labor, the former the labor of
dignity.--_Punch_.

There was a young person called Smarty,
Who sent out his cards for a party;
So exclusive and few
Were the friends that he knew
That no one was present but Smarty.

SOLECISMS

A New York firm recently hung the following sign at the entrance of a
large building: "Wanted: Sixty girls to sew buttons on the sixth floor."

Reporters are obliged to write their descriptions of accidents hastily
and often from meager data, and in the attempt to make them vivid they
sometimes make them ridiculous; for example, a New York City paper a few
days ago, in describing a collision between a train and a motor bus,
said: "The train, too, was filled with passengers. Their shrieks mingled
with the _cries of the dead_ and the dying of the bus!"

SONS

"I thought your father looked very handsome with his gray hairs."

"Yes, dear old chap. I gave him those."

SOUVENIRS

"A friend of mine, traveling in Ireland, stopped for a drink of milk at
a white cottage with a thatched roof, and, as he sipped his refreshment,
he noted, on a center table under a glass dome, a brick with a faded
rose upon the top of it.

"'Why do you cherish in this way,' my friend said to his host, 'that
common brick and that dead rose?'

"'Shure, sir,' was the reply, 'there's certain memories attachin' to
them. Do ye see this big dent in my head? Well, it was made by that
brick.'

"'But the rose?' said my friend.

His host smiled quietly. "'The rose,' he explained, 'is off the grave of
the man that threw the brick.'"

SPECULATION

There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when
he can't afford it, and when he can.--_Mark Twain_.

SPEED

"I always said old Cornelius Husk was slow," said one Quag man to
another.

"Why, what's he been doin' now?" the other asked.

"Got himself run over by a hearse!"

"So you heard the bullet whiz past you?" ask