ation, a white dress, a veil and a plum-cake.

Promptly at the end of the week Lillie returned, radiant. "Oh, Miss
Annie!" she exclaimed, "Ah was the mos' lovely bride! Ma dress was
pcrfec', ma veil mos' lovely, the cake mos' good! An' oh, the dancin'
an' the eatin'!"

"Well, Lillie, this sounds delightful," said her mistress, "but you have
left out the point of your story--I hope you have a good husband."

Lillie's tone changed to indignation: "Now, Miss Annie, what yo' think?
Tha' darn nigger nebber turn up!"

There is living in Illinois a solemn man who is often funny without
meaning to be. At the time of his wedding, he lived in a town some
distance from the home of the bride. The wedding was to be at her house.
On the eventful day the solemn man started for the station, but on the
way met the village grocer, who talked so entertainingly that the
bridegroom missed his train.

Naturally he was in a "state." Something must be done, and done quickly.
So he sent the following telegram:

Don't marry till I come.--HENRY.

--_Howard, Morse_.

In all the wedding cake, hope is the sweetest of the plums.--_Douglas
Jerrold_.

WEIGHTS AND MEASURES

"Didn't I tell ye to feed that cat a pound of meat every day until ye
had her fat?" demanded an Irish shopkeeper, nodding toward a sickly,
emaciated cat that was slinking through the store.

"Ye did thot," replied the assistant, "an" I've just been after feedin'
her a pound of meat this very minute."

"Faith, an' I don't believe ye. Bring me the scales."

The poor cat was lifted into the scales. Thy balancd at exactly one
pound.

"There!" exclaimed the assistant triumphantly. "Didn't I tell ye she'd
had her pound of meat?"

"That's right," admitted the boss, scratching his head. "That's yer
pound of meat all right. But"--suddenly looking up--"where the divvil is
the cat?"

WELCOMES

When Ex-President Taft was on his transcontinental tour, American flags
and Taft pictures were in evidence everywhere. Usually the Taft pictures
contained a word of welcome under them. Those who heard the President's
laugh ring out will not soon forget the western city which, directly
under the barred window of the city lockup, displayed a Taft picture
with the legend "Welcome" on it.--_Hugh Morist_.

Come in the evening, or come in the morning,
Come when you're looked for, or come without warning,
Kisses and welcome you'll find here before you,