fe.
He is afraid!"--_Western Christian Advocate_.

PAT--"I hear your woife is sick, Moike."

MIKE--"She is thot."

PAT--"Is it dangerous she is?"

MIKE--"Divil a bit. She's too weak to be dangerous any more!"

SON--"Say, mama, father broke this vase before he went out."

MOTHER--"My beautiful majolica vase! Wait till he comes back, that's
all."

SON--"May I stay up till he does?"

"Because a fellow has six talking machines," said the boarder who
wants to be an end man, "it doesn't follow that he is a Mormon."

It was a wizened little man who appeared before the judge and charged
his wife with cruel and abusive treatment. His better half was a big,
square-jawed woman with a determined eye.

"In the first place, where did you meet this woman who, according to
your story, has treated you so dreadfully?" asked the judge.

"Well," replied the little man, making a brave attempt to glare
defiantly at his wife, "I never did meet her. She just kind of
overtook me."

"Harry, love," exclaimed Mrs. Knowall to her husband, on his return
one evening from the office, "I have b-been d-dreadfully insulted!"

"Insulted?" exclaimed Harry, love. "By whom?"

"B-by your m-mother," answered the young wife, bursting into tears.

"My mother, Flora? Nonsense! She's miles away!"

Flora dried her tears.

"I'll tell you all about it, Harry, love," she said. "A letter came to
you this morning, addressed in your mother's writing, so, of course,
I--I opened it."

"Of course," repeated Harry, love, dryly.

"It--it was written to you all the way through. Do you understand?"

"I understand. But where does the insult to you come in?"

"It--it came in the p-p-postscript," cried the wife, bursting into
fresh floods of briny. "It s-said: 'P-P-P. S.--D-dear Flora, d-don't
f-fail to give this l-letter to Harry. I w-want him to have it.'"
"'Did you git 'em, boss?" he inquired eagerly.

"'Yes, here they are.'

"Mose looked at them ruefully, shaking his head. 'Ah'm po'ful sorry
yo' got 'em, boss!'

"'Whats the matter? Has Easter gone back on you?'

"'It ain't dat, boss. Ah done changed mah min.' Ah'm gwine to mahry
Sophie Coleman, dat freckled-faced yaller girl what works up to Mis'
Mason's, for she sholy can cook!'

"Well, I'll try and have the name changed for you, but it will cost
you fifty cents more.'

"Mose assented, somewhat dubiously, and the gentleman had the change
made. Again he found Mose waiting for him.