e of industry in raising
income, increase of thrift in laying out.--_Carlyle_.

_See also_ Economy; Saving.

TIDES

A Kansan sat on the beach at Atlantic City watching a fair and very fat
bather disporting herself in the surf. He knew nothing of tides, and he
did not notice that each succeeding wave came a little closer to his
feet. At last an extra big wave washed over his shoe tops.

"Hey, there!" he yelled at the fair, fat bather. "Quit yer jumpin' up
and down! D'ye want to drown me?"

At a recent Confederate reunion in Charleston, S.C., two Kentuckians
were viewing the Atlantic Ocean for the first time.

"Say, cap'n," said one of them, "what ought I to carry home to the
children for a souvenir?"

"Why, colonel, it strikes me that some of this here ocean water would be
right interestin'."

"Just the thing!" exclaimed the colonel delightedly. From a rear pocket
he produced a flask, and, with the aid of the captain, soon emptied it.
Then, picking his way down to the water's edge, he filled it to the neck
and replaced the cork.

"Hi, there! Don't do that!" cried the captain in great alarm. "Pour out
about a third of that water. If you don't, when the tide rises she'll
bust sure."

Nae man can tether time or tide.--_Burns_.

TIME

Mrs. Hooligan was suffering from the common complaint of having more to
do than there was time to do it in. She looked up at the clock and then
slapped the iron she had lifted from the stove back on the lid with a
clatter. "Talk about toime and toide waitin' fer no man," she muttered
as she hurried into the pantry; "there's toimes they waits, an' toimes
they don't. Yistherday at this blessed minit 'twas but tin o'clock an'
to-day it's a quarther to twilve."

MRS. MURPHY--"Oi hear yer brother-in-law, Pat Keegan, is pretty bad
off."

MRS. CASEY--"Shure, he's good for a year yit."

MRS. MURPHY--"As long as thot?"

MRS. CASEY--"Yis; he's had four different doctors, and each one av thim
give him three months to live."--_Puck_.

A long-winded attorney was arguing a technical case before one of the
judges of the superior court in a western state. He had rambled on in
such a desultory way that it became very difficult to follow his line of
thought, and the judge had just yawned very suggestively.

With just a trace of sarcasm in his voice, the tiresome attorney
ventured to observe: "I sincerely trust that I am not unduly trespassing
on the time of this