diggin' a well,
and came up for a good smoke, and while I was up the well caved in."

_See also_ Smoking.

TOURISTS

_See_ Liars; Travelers.

TRADE UNIONS

CHAIRMAN OF THE COMMITTEE--"Is this the place where you are happy all
the time?"

ST. PETER (proudly)--"It is, sir."

"Well, I represent the union, and if we come in we can only agree to be
happy eight hours a day."

TRAMPS

LADY--"Can't you find work?"

TRAMP--"Yessum; but everyone wants a reference from my last employer."

LADY--"And can't you get one?"

TRAMP--"No, mum. Yer see, he's been dead twenty-eight years."

TRANSMUTATION

Fred Stone, of Montgomery and Stone fame, and Eugene Wood, whose stories
and essays are well known, met on Broadway recently. They stopped for a
moment to exchange a few cheerful views, when a woman in a particularly
noticeable sheath-gown passed. Simultaneously, Wood turned to Stone;
Stone turned to Wood; then both turned to rubber.

TRAVELERS

An American tourist, who was stopping in Tokio had visited every point
of interest and had seen everything to be seen except a Shinto funeral.
Finally she appealed to the Japanese clerk of the hotel, asking him to
instruct her guide to take her to one. The clerk was politeness itself.
He bowed gravely and replied: "I am very sorry, Madam, but this is not
the season for funerals."

A gentleman whose travel-talks are known throughout the world tells the
following on himself:

"I was booked for a lecture one night at a little place in Scotland four
miles from a railway station.

"The 'chairman' of the occasion, after introducing me as 'the mon wha's
coom here tae broaden oor intellects,' said that he felt a wee bit of
prayer would not be out of place.

"'O Lord,' he continued, 'put it intae the heart of this mon tae speak
the truth, the hale truth, and naething but the truth, and gie us grace
tae understan' him.'

"Then, with a glance at me, the chairman said, 'I've been a traveler
meself!'"--_Fenimore Marlin_.

Two young Americans touring Italy for the first time stopped off one
night at Pisa, where they fell in with a convivial party at a cafe.
Going hilariously home one pushed the other against a building and held
him there.

"Great heavens!" cried the man next the wall, suddenly glancing up at
the structure above him. "See what we're doing!" Both roisterers fled.

They left town on an early morning train, not thinking