paired. At noon he
had luncheon in a restaurant, and as he was departing he absent-mindedly
started to take an umbrella from a hook near his hat.

"That's mine, sir," said a woman at the next table.

He apologized and went out. When he was going home in a street car with
his four repaired umbrellas, the woman he had seen in the restaurant got
in. She glanced from him to his umbrellas and said:

"I see you had a good day."

"That's a swell umbrella you carry."

"Isn't it?"

"Did you come by it honestly?"

"I haven't quite figured out. It started to rain the other day and I
stepped into a doorway to wait till it stopped. Then I saw a young
fellow coming along with a nice large umbrella, and I thought if he was
going as far as my house I would beg the shelter of his timbershoot. So
I stepped out and asked: 'Where are you going with that umbrella, young
fellow?' and he dropped the umbrella and ran."

One day a man exhibited a handsome umbrella. "It's wonderful how I make
things last," he exclaimed. "Look at this umbrella, now. I bought it
eleven years ago. Since then I had it recovered twice. I had new ribs
put in in 1910, and last month I exchanged it for a new one in a
restaurant. And here it is--as good as new."

VALUE

"The trouble with father," said the gilded youth, "is that he has no
idea of the value of money."

"You don't mean to imply that he is a spendthrift?"

"Not at all. But he puts his money away and doesn't appear to have any
appreciation of all the things he might buy with it."

VANITY

MCGORRY--"I'll buy yez no new hat, d' yez moind thot? Ye are vain enough
ahlriddy."

MRS. MCGORRY--"Me vain? Oi'm not! Shure, Oi don't t'ink mesilf half as
good lookin' as Oi am."

"Of course," said a suffragette lecturer, "I admit that women are vain
and men are not. There are a thousand proofs that this is so. Why, the
necktie of the handsomest man in the room is even now up the back of his
collar." There were six men present and each of them put his hand gently
behind his neck.

A New York woman of great beauty called one day upon a friend, bringing
with her her eleven-year-old daughter, who gives promise of becoming as
great a beauty as her mother.

It chanced that the callers were shown into a room where the friend had
been receiving a milliner, and there were several beautiful hats lying
about. During the conversation the little girl amused herself by
examining the milli