court."

"My friend," returned his honor, "there is a considerable difference
between trespassing on time and encroaching upon eternity."--_Edwin
Tarrisse_.

A traveler, finding that he had a couple of hours in Dublin, called a
cab and told the driver to drive him around for two hours. At first all
went well, but soon the driver began to whip up his horse so that they
narrowly escaped several collisions.

"What's the matter?" demanded the passenger. "Why are you driving so
recklessly? I'm in no hurry."

"Ah, g'wan wid yez," retorted the cabby. "D'ye think thot I'm goin' to
put in me whole day drivin' ye around for two hours? Gitap!"

Frank comes into the house in a sorry plight.

"Mercy on us!" exclaims his father. "How you look! You are soaked."

"Please, papa, I fell into the canal."

"What! with your new trousers on?"

"Yes, papa, I didn't have time to take them off."

A well-known Bishop, while visiting at a bride's new home for the first
time, was awakened quite early by the soft tones of a soprano voice
singing "Nearer, My God, to Thee." As the Bishop lay in bed he meditated
upon the piety which his young hostess must possess to enable her to
begin her day's work in such a beautiful frame of mind.

At breakfast he spoke to her about it, and told her how pleased he was.

"Oh," she replied, "that's the hymn I boil the eggs by; three verses for
soft and five for hard."

There was a young woman named Sue,
Who wanted to catch the 2:02;
Said the trainman, "Don't hurry
Or flurry or worry;
It's a minute or two to 2:02."

FATHER--"Mildred, if you disobey again I will surely spank you."

On father's return home that evening, Mildred once more acknowledged
that she had again disobeyed.

FATHER (firmly)--"You are going to be spanked. You may choose your own
time. When shall it be?"

MILDRED (five years old, thoughtfully)--"Yesterday."

A northerner passing a rundown looking place in the South, stopped to
chat with the farmer. He noticed the hogs running wild and explained
that in the North the farmers fattened their hogs much faster by
shutting them in and feeding them well.

"Hell!" replied the southerner, "What's time to a hog."

Dost thou love life? Then waste not time; for time is the stuff that
life is made of.--_Benjamin Franklin_.

Time fleeth on,
Youth soon is gone,
Naught earthly may abide;
Life seemeth fast,
But may not last
It runs as ru