directors were waiting
for her to arrive.

"Why did you break your engagement with that school teacher?"

"If I failed to show up at her house every evening, she expected me to
bring a written excuse signed by my mother."

Among the youngsters belonging to a colege settlement in a New England
city was one little girl who returned to her humble home with glowing
accounts of the new teacher.

"She's a perfect lady," exclaimed the enthusiastic youngster.

The child's mother gave her a doubtful look. "How do _you_ know?" she
said. "You've only known her two days."

"It's easy enough tellin'," continued the child. "I know she's a perfect
lady, because she makes you feel polite all the time."

MOTHER--"The teacher complains you have not had a correct lesson for a
month; why is it?"

SON--"She always kisses me when I get them right."

There was a meeting of the new teachers and the old. It was a sort of
love feast, reception or whatever you call it. Anyhow all the teachers
got together and pretended they didn't have a care in the world. After
the eats were et the symposiarch proposed a toast:

"Long Live Our Teachers!"

It was drunk enthusiastically. One of the new teachers was called on to
respond. He modestly accepted. His answer was:

"What On?"

TEACHER--"Now, Willie, where did you get that chewing gum? I want the
truth."

WILLIE--"You don't want the truth, teacher, an' I'd ruther not tell a
lie."

TEACHER--"How dare you say I don't want the truth! Tell me at once where
you got that chewing-gum."

WILLIE--"Under your desk."

Grave is the Master's look; his forehead wears
Thick rows of wrinkles, prints of worrying cares:
Uneasy lie the heads of all that rule,
His worst of all whose kingdom is a school.

--_0.W. Holmes_.

TEARS

Two Irishmen who had just landed were eating their dinner in a hotel,
when Pat spied a bottle of horseradish. Not knowing what it was he
partook of a big mouthful, which brought tears to his eyes.

Mike, seeing Pat crying, exclaimed: "Phat be ye cryin' fer?"

Pat, wishing to have Mike fooled also, exclaimed: "I'm crying fer me
poor ould mother, who's dead way over in Ireland."

By and by Mike took some of the radish, whereupon tears filled _his_
eyes. Pat, seeing them, asked his friend what he was crying for.

Mike replied: "Because ye didn't die at the same time yer poor ould
mother did."

TEETH

There was an old man of Tar